Overcome

Tonight we sang "How He Loves".  That song is absolutely my favorite.

Especially when I switch up the lyrics.

Tonight instead of singing

Yeah He loves us

Oh how He loves us

Oh how He loves us

I sang

Yeah You love me

Oh how You love me

Oh how You love me

I always change the pronouns "He" to "You" and "us" to "me".  No, I don't think singing those words is selfish at all.  Especially as someone who has searched for real love for the longest time. 

As I sang I became overcome.  And I just started crying.  I felt kind of dumb because tears were running down my face and my breathing was doing that shaky thing.  I was standing there with my arms up in the air crying out to God with my tears and my voice (which was NOT in tune)... and I felt so broken.  God reminded me where I came from.  He reminded me I am not done healing.  And then He held me.  If anyone had physically touched me right then, I am pretty sure I would have totally broken down.  Like sobbing uncontrollably.

Tonight was one of the best times of worship I have ever had.  I can honestly say I was not worried about what other people were saying about me or the way I looked to the people around me.  I know it's not all about the way I feel, but I know I honestly engaged in worship tonight.  It was hard to stay focused at first, but I shut my eyes and let the words coming out of my mouth be my prayer and truth I was confident in.



Dear people who read this, please be praying on Sunday evening around 6:30-7.  I'm going to be sharing my testimony with my small group.  I am terrified.  I'm working on giving that fear over to God, but I am scared I won't be able to share.  I'm praying like crazy, but thinking about it makes my heart beat fast and my palms sweat. I know God is going to be there while I share... but I still fear judgment and abandonment.  
So, please pray I would be calm and not freak out.  Pray I would not cry (too much).  Pray I would have the right words as well.