Monday, February 28, 2011

A thunderstorm of peace.

Last night we had our first thunderstorm.  It was beautiful.  Absolutely gorgeous.  As the rain tapped on my window and the thunder applauded the lighting, I had to suppress my laughter.  I was just filled with this feeling of hope and freedom as I read through my old journal full of hate and a darkness.  
And as I was sitting here at my computer looking for pictures for a nearly wordless Creative Writing project one of my friends (who lives in NC) posted on my wall.  

While God was giving you a thunder storm last night, He was giving me peace.
Tonight, while God is giving me a thunder storm, I hope that He is giving you peace. ♥


I almost started crying.  Right here, onto my keyboard.  God spoke to her, He had to have.  That was exactly what I needed to hear.

Tonight, I am forcing myself to put pen to paper and write this thing.  I might cry a few times, but that's alright.  The other girls in my small group have been honest.  And I need to work on this honesty thing.  I need to be transparent.

God, give me the peace and freedom to write this.  I am so afraid that other people won't understand.  When I hand a certain person the finished copy, help her understand.  My story feels ugly and dirty, but it leads to You.  You are the One who wrote the story, and You see beauty in it.  I will not be ashamed of the things You have done.



Here is a song that I think of and sing when the rain comes down (literal or figurative). 

(Please, watch/listen to it.  It's only a few minutes.  Maybe God will speak to your heart.)


Sunday, February 27, 2011

Remembering the Past

I am sharing my testimony with my small group on Saturday. Because of this, I am reading through my old journals. I don't remember writing most of these things. Some days are a little less blurry than others, but from mid-2005 to mid-2009, I remember very little.

On February 23, 2009, I wrote this at the close of an entry:

"Right now I have too many scars, too much pain inside, too much anger, and too little faith."

Two years later, I can say that I no longer see that sentence as true. I can now identify that as a blatant lie.

Some of you readers may wonder if I would go back and do things differently with the knowledge I have now. I wrote a quickwrite on this for English last semester, and the answer anytime anyone asks is always no. Clearly, I went through certain periods of pain for a reason. A reason that was unknown to me at the time, but better known now. Without my experience, I would not be as equipped for my chosen profession.

Please, please pray for me as I prepare and share my testimony this week. Several of my close friends will be receiving a copy because they do not know my story.

My story is not just my own. It is God's.

A First

Tomorrow I attend my first funeral.  "Wait," you may say, "You are seventeen and you have never been to a funeral before?"  No.  I haven't.  I haven't needed too. 
Tomorrow I attend the funeral for my principal's husband.  I am going with my fellow students to support our principal.  What would the point of a Christian school be without exemplifying the church? 
What a wonderful Monday, eh? 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Bad Days...

Have you ever had one of those really bad days?  Or one of those okay days, that went horribly wrong?  Thursday was like that. 
I'll be honest, I kind of like school.  I like it when I understand what is going on.  I like it when I like what we are doing, too.  But I missed Pre-calculus because of a Psychology exam (there is a LOT of hate right there.  >:( ).  But I had learned how to do graphing inequalities before, so I figured I could do it.  Only, when I got to the homework I realized I wasn't sure how to shade, I looked in the examples in my book and it was unclear, so I just jumped in with what I thought I knew.  Not smart.  I ended up in tears redrawing the same graph six times.  And then I threw my book across the room.  I was kind of freaked out that it took that little of frustration to make me so angry.  The stress of other things (like a Bible project and a short story that I have to write... in which I detest every character) have been getting to me lately... The Bible project is now over (Hypostatic Union, I am so glad that Jesus was fully God and fully man, but I am SICK of researching it and teaching people about you.), but the short story is due next week.  Not too bad, right?  It would be if I didn't suck at writing long fiction. 
Page long descriptions of a moment or conversation are okay, but ten pages of a story that makes sense?  No way.  (Why did I take Creative Writing?)  After a page I hate my characters, my writing style, and the way I make my k's.  I think my main character is too proud or just plain dumb.  I feel like my description sounds dumb.  Am I being too critical of myself?  Sharing my work is hard.  I hate when people pick it apart and point out grammatical flaws (like little ones.  I like it when someone fixes a big mistake!) and argue with me over my word choice.  I leave some sentences without description for REASONS!  What ever happened to leaving out some things for suspense? 

I have four journal entries and at least two pages of my story to write tonight.  This is awesome.  /endsarcasm

So, to sum up:
- Crying over Pre-calculus homework is lame.
- Short stories are lame, too.

60 Days of Beauty? Ooops...

So... It seems I am unable to finish a simple two-month blogging spree.  Oops. 
In order to remedy this, I have a list of some more things I find beautiful. 

17.  The ecstatic greetings of my dogs.
18.  Homemade bread.
19.  Grass waving in the summer wind.
20.  Pianos.
21.  Sunrises.
22.  Bird song.
23.  A brand new journal.
24.  Daddies hugging their children.
25.  Fire.
26.  Worship.
27.  People.  (Okay, this is only sometimes.  I have days where I absolutely can't stand people.  But in general, I find them beautiful.)
28.  Dancing.
29.  Beaches.
30.  Laughter.
31.  Tears.
32.  Guitars.  (I am incredibly jealous of those who can play...)
33.  Creativity.
34.  The Connection Band.  (This is the band that plays in the alternate service at my church.  Just today I mentioned to my mom that one of their songs would always remind me of home.  In fact, I see myself playing their music in my big white house with rainbow doors.  :) )
35.  Dreaming.  (While asleep and the dreams for the future.)
36.  Getting things done.
37.  Sharing.
38.  AGC Baby Center.
39.  Confidence.
40.  My small group.
41.  Breaking the chains.
42.  Learning to run.  (I say "learning" because that's EXACTLY what it's like.)
43.  Hillsong United.  (They are my designated group for worship playlists.)
44.  Photography.
45.  Sunsets.
46.  Clouds.
47.  Rain on a summer afternoon. 
48.  Letting go and letting God.
49.  Stories. 
50.  Love.
51.  Hope.
52.  Rescue.
53.  Paint and a clean canvas.
54.  Learning to speak Spanish.
55.  Wishing on dandelions.
56.  Stars.  (Especially the ones in Kenya.)
57.  Summertime.
58.  The tree in my backyard.  (Except when I have to mow around it.)
59.  Knowing I am not alone. 
60.  My house.  (But not my current house.  The house I am talking about is called "Rescate".  Back in December, God gave me a picture that blew me away.  A simple house with a large porch and lots of windows.  It was surrounded by trees.  And the idea of peace surrounded the building.  And I knew what it was instantly.  It's what I've wanted to do for the past two years.  It's there to help people.  I'm going to teach people freedom, hope, and love.  I'm going to teach them how to keep going and how to fight.  It's the house where I will meet with God in my sunny kitchen and laugh with those who have not laughed.  It's my house with many colors of paint and a large room for the freedom of expression through art.  It's bright and sunny all the time because of the many windows. During the summer, the windows are open to let in the air.  That's my house.  That's my dream.  That's where I want to be in ten years.) 

Whew.  That was a long list... and a very vulnerable list. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Love is...

Love is:
- A friend date at Taco Bell.
- A warm dog on a cold day.
- When someone looks into your eyes to be sure you are okay.
- Roses for no reason.
- A father buying his daughter flowers for Valentine's Day.
- A mother kissing her tired child's forehead.
- A six year old sharing his cookie with the little boy who has no snack.
- Letting your sister wear your shirt.
- A little girl tryin out her mom's lipstick.
- Being late to work because you stopped to help the person stranded on the side of a busy road.
- Listening even when someone stumbles over their words.
- Waiting.
- A hug without words.
- Letting him go.
- A candlelight dinner with piano recordings in the background.
- Holding hands even though your fingers are freezing.
- Trusting
- Giggling about the dumb things we used to do.
- Watching Pride and Prejudice with her even though you hate it.
- Never giving up your fight.

A Dream

I have this dream. It's a big dream. It's a dream full of freedom and love. It's a dream of shoving it in the world's face when I show others how to see their own beauty. It's a messy dream full of ink, paint, chalk, fabric, and yarn. It's a dream of healing. I want my whole life to be showing people art, love, beauty, freedom, and healing. That's my dream. In a big old house with a wrap-around porch and rainbow doors, that's where healing will be. Outside in the quiet, welcoming forest, that's where freedom will be.
The huge-ness of this dream scares me, but I know I can do it. I will do it.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Very Personal Shirt

(picture heavy)

We have all seen those really cool shirts in stores that have cool prints on them or whatever, but are super expensive, or shirts that we want but don't want to buy online because we don't have a card, or we love the print, but hate the color of the shirt or the paint.  So, I'm going to teach you how to make your own printed shirt!

Materials needed:
- Plain t-shirt (I bought mine from Hobby Lobby for three or four dollars)
- Acrylic craft paint (those little bottles that come in hundreds of colors. I used black and white because that is what I had on hand, but you can use whatever colors your heart desires.)
- Access to Word or similar program (to make your stencil)
- X-Acto knife or other craft knife (to cut out your stencil)
- Self-healing cutting board (so you don't kill your table)
- Newspaper (to cover surface and to put inside shirt)
- Extra paper
- Paint brush or sponge
- Paper plate to put paint on
-Tape


Instructions!

First, decide what you want to write.  I chose a quote from the organization TWLOHA (here).

Now, if you suck at drawing big letters free hand (like me), get on your computer and pull up Microsoft Word (or any similar program).  I wanted the words in all caps and each on their own line.  (no pictures of this, sorry)  If you are using an image (which will be MUCH harder if it has lots of little pieces) paste that into a Word document and size it, then print it out.  Remember that your image can't really be bigger that a piece of paper is wide.  (I set my paper to landscape and printed each word separately.  But it can't be any wider than about 10.5" without a bigger piece of paper than regular copy paper)  Once you have chosen font and size, print it out (make your letters LIGHT gray or print it as a draft if your printer has that option. This is to save ink.).

Lay out your shirt on a table bigger than mine.  I just used the small round table we had in the basement because there was stuff on the kitchen table that I didn't want to deal with (it wasn't mine).  Get out EVERYTHING you need (or think you will need. I probably spent more time searching for things than actually painting).


See, I don't have everything I need.  (iPod touch is optional)  So, go run and get everything you need.  Back yet?  Okay. Now grab you cutting board and x-Acto knife.


Now you can see what I mean by the way I printed it.  I changed the margins so that I could print as far to the edge as possible.  (Font was Candara or something like that.  The letters were size 300 or so.)  Grab your first sheet and grab an x-Acto knife.  I used the red handled one because it was easier to hold onto and not as heavy.  CAREFULLY cut out the letters.  Don't worry if parts stick up.  We will tape those down.



Go back and smooth out the edges.  It doesn't matter if the inner letter is mangled, you just want the stencil to be smooth.  Any imperfections will show up on your shirt. 


Continue until your entire stencil is cut out.  Now go on to your others.  (If you have more)


Uh-oh!  What do I do about the "O"?  It has an inside?  Just cut it out.


And set it aside (in a safe place, you don't want to lose it!), then cut the gray part out...


This stencil is sticking up all over the place, but we will tape it all down.


Go on to your last stencil.  I wanted a heart instead of my "O", but I went ahead and printed it with an "O" so that I knew where it needed to be.  I cut out the heart of wanted, then traced it over the "O" and cut it out.
You will notice that I have two stencils on that page to save paper.  You can do this, you just want to be sure there is enough space to cut them apart.


See the heart?  It looks wonky, but it turned out great.  Cut off any excess on the stencils (leaving about a half inch so that you don't get paint off the stencil) and set aside the knives and cutting board.


I grabbed two sections of newspaper and stuck them inside, but then noticed that they made an icky crease line.  So I took them out and folded the opposite way to get rid of the crease.






See? It messed up my stencils. 

Decide where you want the image or words to be.  (I used the t-shirt I had on to compare) and lay out the first stencil.  ((In my picture, I already painted the first stencil to get a feel for it.))


Take your tape and make it sticky on both sides by folding it and overlapping it on itself.  Don't be skimpy!  You want nice crisp lines, and that happens by having a flat stencil.  Center it (or place it wherever it should go) and press it flat.  Carefully tape the sides flat with tape.
Away from your shirt, pour your paint onto your paper plate.  (If you are mixing colors, make sure to make PLENTY of color!)  Use your brush or sponge to grab some paint and dab it over the stencil.  Be careful not to get it off the paper on the outside.  I used two coats because my paint was kind of opaque.  (Sorry, no pictures!)  Let it sit for a few seconds, then take off the outside tape and carefully(!) pull up the stencil.  Continue to do this. 

But remember our "O"?  What do we do!?


Stick some tape on the backside...


And then stick it where it goes!

Yay!  Pretty!  (You can see where I tried to cover up my boo boos.  Bad idea.  I had to mix paint several times to get it the right color, then I had to go over it with lighter paint because it dried darker... if they aren't too noticeable, just leave them.  (Or use another stencil and make a star or something).

If you still have opaque areas, take a small brush and take a little bit of paint and go over that area.  (carefully!)


:)

I added some freehand writing to the bottom hem.  This is totally optional, but I wanted the organization's name on it.

Leave to dry overnight.  DO NOT flip it over to work on the back until the paint is more than completely dry.  My paint said it would dry in a half hour, but I would wait at least two.  (Or overnight to be safe)

Go wash out your brushes so they won't get nasty.  Now.  You don't want gross, crinkly brushes (or sponges), do you?

No pics of me wearing it yet, I'm probably going to put some words on the back, I just haven't decided what yet. 

Any questions?  Leave them in the comments.  (:  Good luck!