(rescue is not a myth)

Facebook friending.

2011-07-21T22:41:00.001-04:00

I find Facebook friending dumb.
Really dumb.
I went to camp last week.
I met lots of new people. The ones I actually met and created a friendship with, I added. Because I wanted to stay connected with them.
But I continue getting requests from people who I do not recognize and would not be able to pick out of the crowd... I'm sorry... I mean, if you really want to be my friend on Facebook, message me and tell me why... Because if I don't know you I won't accept the request. I don't mean to hurt anyone by saying that... It's just true. I don't add everyone. My friends on Facebook are my friends. I don't add the people who were mean to me in third grade. I don't add everyone in my entire grade.
Sorry, I like a little privacy.

Logging out of Facebook...

2011-07-08T20:59:00.002-04:00

Last night I logged out of Facebook on my iPod and moved the app to a different, empty page. Why? Because I'm giving up Facebook for a while. Why would I do that?
Well, I spend a lot of time on Facebook. And I've been out of school a month and haven't even read a book.
So I decided I would log out of Facebook at least until camp. So that I could get back to writing, crafting, and blogging.
So what did I do on my first day without Facebook?
1. I laid in the sun and read Harry Potter (finished book 1!).
2. I made about 10 more flower hair clips that I am selling for $3 a piece. (email me for a picture)
3. I played frisbee with my brother.
I still plan on doing a bit of TAWG outside while watching the sunset, some journaling, and writing a few letters to my small group girls.
One day without Facebook and I feel like I have done so much!

Be patient with me...

2011-05-06T00:18:00.003-04:00

heard a beautiful song today.

It's called "Lover of Ashes" an it's by JJ Heller.
Here are the lyrics:

Simple voice talk to me in simple words
Gentle wind come sing to me the songs that I know
Come to me and hold my heart inside of me
Come and see
Come and see in me

Oh lover of ashes
Be patient with me
My filthy complexion is all that I see
But up from these ashes a beauty will rise
The pride of her father
Though humble in size

Perfect love
Fill my soul with melody
Perfect words of perfect peace

I will breathe, I will sing
I will breathe, I will sing

"Oh lover of ashes, be patient with me"....
I definitely need God's patience right now. Things are so weird. Things aren't feeling quite right...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Getting to say goodbye.

2011-03-25T10:15:00.000-04:00

Let's say you have been given a month to live. What do you do in that time?

First, I would probably cry. I would cry because I would feel like I still had many things left to do, but then I would realize God knows what He is doing.

Next, I would start writing letters. I would write a letter to each person I love. My cousins, my parents, my friends, and the people I wish I had worked things out with. I wouldn't tell anyone about them. Each letter would be placed in an envelope, the name scrawled across the front, and then tossed into a box with the rest of them.
Why would I do this? Well... I communicate through written language. I don't communicate well through spoken words very well. And I have hundreds of things I want people to know. I want people to know about hope and real love. I want people to know about freedom.

The next thing I would do is write my story. All of it. From different angles, with different things emphasized.

I would also continue to journal. I would fill up blank pages with what was going on, how I felt, and my prayers to the God who could heal me.

A few days before my month was up, I would make sure someone had all my journals. I would tell that person to share them. I would tell them to share my story. The ugly parts. The pretty parts.

But through everything else I would do, I would also spend time with people. And just talk. Just be. I would slow down, like I always meant to, and really get to know the people I love. I would ask for funny stories and sad stories.

I would pray a heck of a lot, too.

So, if you had a month left to live, what would you do? Who would you spend it with? Where would you go?

2011-03-17T20:31:00.000-04:00

I'll be honest. Today really sucked.

And now I'm nearly in tears over precalc homework.

And I would really like to sleep for an entire week.

Even the Beatles aren't making me feel better.

Music day

2011-03-14T21:03:00.000-04:00

I have been holding onto this (^^) song as a promise. Especially the "You are peace. You are peace when my fear is crippling". It's been a phrase I repeat a lot.

I like to worship God in Spanish. Last night driving down the road I sang Spanish songs because I remembered the lyrics.

Perception.

2011-03-14T01:00:00.000-04:00

"How did you know?" She sent.
"I don't know... I just did." I replied.

Sometimes, I just know things. Not like knowledge. I mean when a person walks by me or walks up to me, sometimes I know exactly what they are struggling with (or have struggled with).

A perfect example happened over Christmas break at Winter Retreat. There was a girl there who I had seen before, but never met. After talking to her I felt like we were kind of similar. When she shared during small group times I knew more and more that she was a lot like me. (I stalked her blog after WR and found out my suspicions were correct. (: ) She never out right said anything outright about certain things, I just knew.

Those of you who know me know that I give hugs a lot. Some days I need a hug, so I go through my day looking for someone who might need a hug. And when I see the right person, I just know.

We talked about hearing God's voice during chapel groups a while back. We were asked if we had ever hears God's voice and, if so, what it sounded like. I have never heard a booming voice like Moses hears in the movies. I often receive a little prodding in my chest. Instead of a cmand "Kaylyn, you must do this if you love Me", He uses His still, small voice to tug and nudge my heart towards the people with needs.

Tonight after sharin my testimony one girl mentioned I was a great encourager. (Thanks Sabrina!) That's not me. I honestly believe God uses my hands to type or write those things. I just listen for the things I am supposed to write.

I can't explain it, but I keep using it because I know it's God.

(Oh, and I have lunch with the girl from the first paragraph on Sunday. At least, I will if everything works out. I'm so excited! I sent her a copy of my testimony tonight. I had been debating for a long time over whether or not I should send it to her. Finally, I sucked up my fear and sent it off through the vast world of the Internet. It was a good decision.)

Fights, Stories, and Tears

2011-03-14T00:02:00.001-04:00

"My God is not dead. He is surely alive."

I got into a fight with God tonight.

Really? Who gets into a fight with the creator of the universe?

Me.

I got into the car to drive to small groups and I was mad. I was mad God was making me share my testimony.
I turned off the radio and I sat there huffily.
"I'm not going to do it!" I said out loud. "You can't make me."
I was driving down the road telling God He couldn't make me do something. Yes, sometimes I act like a three-year-old. Sorry. A knot sat in my stomach and I wanted to throw up. I was nervous. I was terrified. I did NOT want to go to small groups.
I thought about turning around and going home. But I kept on driving. Right into Nappanee and into the field next to the house where we meet.
No one else was there yet. I pulled out my journal and tried to write everything down. I tried to be honest. I tried to calm down.
I was terrified. What would the other girls think? Was I going to cry the way I had when I wrote it? (which, by the way, was me basically rolled into a ball, sobbing. no, I did not enjoy writing it.) I was scared. I tried to reassure myself.
Deep breath.
"God is still with me."
Deep breath.
"He loves me when no one else does."
Another girl pulled up and we went out to the pool house. My small group ate dinner and we talked about stuff that had happened since we had met last.
Then, Tonya, our leader, gave me the floor.
Now, I hate talking for long periods of time. I hate one-sided conversations and long stories about one moment/event. I had to fight all those fears tonight. I grabbed some tissues and started. I had it written on my iPod as a guideline, so I kept referencing it. In the second paragraph I started crying. My voice got all weird and after that I kept losing my train of thought. (which resulted in lots of "um"s and "like"s.)
At one point I thought I was going to cry and not be able to stop (but I pulled through).
When I finished I was still terrified. What did they think of me? Did I ruin their idea of me?

I'm scared of the dark in unfamiliar areas, so I waited for someone to walk out to their car so I could go with them when it was time to leave.
I climbed into my car and frantically shut the door and locked it behind me. (fear of the dark. I have to have the doors locked at ALL times.)
I sat in my car with the keys in the ignition for a few seconds and thought. I started my car and started my journey home. I shut off the radio and started to sing.
I don't have a great voice, but I I knew I couldn't sing with someone else leading me at that moment.
After awhile, I started talking out loud to God. I didn't really realize I was speaking, but words kept coming out. I talked to Him like He was right there in the passenger seat. I started crying as I talked to Him.
Yes, He already knew all those things, but I still had to tell Him. I had to admit things and ask Him to hold onto me and help me believe.
One thing I kept saying again and again was "I don't want to keep living like this." I don't want to keep depending on things to keep me happy. All I want is God.

I'm still processing all the things God showed me while I shared tonight.

Tonight was one of the best nights I have had in quite a long time. (:

Nervous.

2011-03-12T23:03:00.000-05:00

"It's not about what you did then. It's about who you are now." -me

At 6:30 pm tomorrow night I will be sharing my testimony with my small group. I keep hoping it will be moved to next week. There is a knot in my stomach that churns and aches when think about sharing. I shouldn't be so scared, but I am. Just like in the rest of my life, I fear rejection and failure. I fear my small group might not understand and will not work to understand. I fear I might even be able to share because I will cry. I have gone over the events I'm sharing over and over in my mind, but I know as soon as I start talking, I will start crying. I cried just holding my pen to my paper. I can't imagine how much I will cry as I actually speak.
I also fear people thinking that my past is my present and my future. It's not, but I don't know how many girls will realize that.

I know Jesus is my strength, but in situations like this it is so hard to just hand it all over.

Overcome

2011-03-09T23:04:00.001-05:00

Tonight we sang "How He Loves". That song is absolutely my favorite.

Especially when I switch up the lyrics.

Tonight instead of singing

Yeah He loves us

Oh how He loves us

I sang

Yeah You love me

Oh how You love me

I always change the pronouns "He" to "You" and "us" to "me". No, I don't think singing those words is selfish at all. Especially as someone who has searched for real love for the longest time.

As I sang I became overcome. And I just started crying. I felt kind of dumb because tears were running down my face and my breathing was doing that shaky thing. I was standing there with my arms up in the air crying out to God with my tears and my voice (which was NOT in tune)... and I felt so broken. God reminded me where I came from. He reminded me I am not done healing. And then He held me. If anyone had physically touched me right then, I am pretty sure I would have totally broken down. Like sobbing uncontrollably.

Tonight was one of the best times of worship I have ever had. I can honestly say I was not worried about what other people were saying about me or the way I looked to the people around me. I know it's not all about the way I feel, but I know I honestly engaged in worship tonight. It was hard to stay focused at first, but I shut my eyes and let the words coming out of my mouth be my prayer and truth I was confident in.

Dear people who read this, please be praying on Sunday evening around 6:30-7. I'm going to be sharing my testimony with my small group. I am terrified. I'm working on giving that fear over to God, but I am scared I won't be able to share. I'm praying like crazy, but thinking about it makes my heart beat fast and my palms sweat. I know God is going to be there while I share... but I still fear judgment and abandonment.
So, please pray I would be calm and not freak out. Pray I would not cry (too much). Pray I would have the right words as well.

Change

2011-03-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

I wrote this today in Creative Writing. Most of the time, I hate poems, but this one was following a certain pattern.

I was a lost and angry sinner
I remember the loneliness and loud music
I heard "You need to get it together" "Clearly, you aren't a Christian"
I saw disappointment, tears, and failing tests, all because of me
I worried my parents thought I was crazy and were going to send me away with one more mistake
I thought no light could illuminate the darkness I saw.
But, I wanted to change
I was buried by secrets, lies, and shame
I thought no one could love me
I needed someone to take my hand, look me in the eye, and promise me hope was just behind the clouds
I forgave my parents for the misunderstandings and my peers for taunts and jokes.
Now I have changed
I still look for grace when my past looks like my future
I choose vulnerability and transparency instead of secrets and shame
I dream of a plain white house teaching freedom and healing with liberal doses of paint, fabric, and markers
I hope to offer others hope in Christ
I predict overflowing joy and a will to share stories
I know I have been redeemed
I have changed.

Loneliness vs. Being alone

2011-03-07T22:04:00.001-05:00

"Loneliness is different than being alone."
- Fop, remedy.fm
Many of us spend time alone. Personally, I enjoy having time alone. It lets me recharge and calm myself. And when I really need a good, long time with God, I get away.
But loneliness is different than just being alone.
People who struggle with loneliness feel alone even in big crowds. They can be with 100 people, yet still feel like they are the only person in the room.
I have felt this way. It's real. And it's not fun. Any time I went any where I noticed how I didn't really seem to belong to anyone.
My generation is the most "connected" generation. We text. We send pictures. We send emails. We spend hours on Facebook. Because of how much we seem to communicate, it is logical that we would have the most meaningful and deep relationships. I mean, we are constantly talking to people and sharing our opinions, right? Yet the numbers of suicides, attempted suicides, those struggling with depression, and the rates of self-harm still rise. How can this be happening?
Constant communication isn't always good. Meaningful, deep relationships cannot be built when there is some sort of device in between two people. It is much easier to share when two people are typing instead of speaking to each other. It's much easier to be rude or mean when I don't see the look on a person's face when I hurt them. I can have thousands of conversations over the Internet about everything from A to Z, but the sum of them will not mean as much to me as one conversation with a person who is fully focused on our conversation. My generation has an incredible access to communication, but we need to be sure that our relationships are real when we are with people.
The breakdown of family has also been a big issue. If I was to ask someone about their struggle with loneliness or depression, I am sure that one of the reasons they would pinpoint would come from some sort of relationship with their parents. A dysfunctional family creates wounds that don't easily go away. A child needs love and affirmation from both parents. When a parent is physically or emotionally absent, the child is not always going to receive the examples and care that they need. Some single-parent households produce kids who do not struggle with the "unspokens" of our society, but I would venture to say that many do.

Loneliness is something that our society seems to ignore. It needs to be addressed. But not with more video games or more texting. It needs to be addressed with kindness and love. A smile to a lonely person can mean the world. Looking at them and speaking to them like they are a legitimate human being can help them rise up from the trap of loneliness. Jesus called us to care for the poor. The lonely and depressed are poor in spirit. We must hold out our hands and help them.

(Do struggle with loneliness? Do you need someone to talk to? Groundwire.net allows you to talk to a caring adult who will pray for you and try to help you. There are many call centers you can contact if you need a physical voice. You are not alone. I pray that you would find the things you lack in Christ instead of people. Hold on, God has not let go of you.)

I found out about Remedy.fm last night. I have already listened to three past The Cure shows. Dude, they are pretty awesome. They do their research. Do you want biblical information on a topic? Search "remedy.fm the cure" in the search box on iTunes. They have talked about many, many things.

Masks

2011-03-06T21:18:00.002-05:00

I wrote this in my Creative Writing journal. It's a rough draft, so I'm sorry about flow issues.

I stand on foot bridge suspended over a swollen river. I stand against the wooden rail and watch while the sun sets over the thick forest.
The sky is bathed in a swirl of yellow, pink, and red. Vaporous remnants of the afternoon's thunderstorm swim lazily westward.
Unlike other evenings, I did not come here just to watch the sun set.
I reach into the bag slung across my chest and pull out the reason.
The object feels like an old friend. It even smiles up at me with a perfect, painted mouth. All the things people have expected me to be stand accusingly in black letters on the smooth white surface.
Perfect
A+
Beautiful
Well-adjusted
Friendly

It sits perfectly on my face when I put it on.  The upturned smile covers my own downcast one.  I feel complete with it there on my face, much like a child who carries a blankie.

I remove it, feeling like a part of me is lost, and watch the sun saunter below the horizon.  

I inspect the item one final time.

I take a deep breath and hold it out over the muddy water.  

I close my eyes.  

I breathe again.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

And... I let go.

I open my eyes in time to watch it hit the surface, dunk below, then float.  As it drifts away I imagine it floating out to sea and settling in a trench or being found by an artist who repurposes it.  

I watch it float off and feel a little lost.  Who am I without that?  

I turn and walk away.  That isn't me.  Me is the person standing on the bridge.  Me is the real person, not the pretend.   

Fear.

2011-03-04T22:29:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be honest, here.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I don't mean like "Ah! It's dark out! Oh no!"

I mean like, absolutely terrified of even opening an outside door.

I can't even walk to the end of my driveway to leave the trash on the curb after the sun sets.

But tonight, I challenged my fear.

I walked home from my neighbor's two houses down.

You might think it's not a big deal, but I struggled to walk calmly up the wet street with only my keychain flashlight for protection. Fear consumed me. What was behind me? Was that a shadow a mailbox or a person? I forced myself to walk at a normal pace, even though everything in me told me to run for it.

I was terrified. But I made it to my safe, warm, locked house.

I marvel at the people who can just stand there in the night and still have a steady heartbeat.

Uncharted territory.

2011-03-04T18:28:00.002-05:00

Today I had two hours after school where I had nothing to do because Zack had practice and weightlifting for softball was canceled, so I pulled out my journal and started to write. After an hour, my hand had a huge cramp in it and my elbows hurt from propping myself up on the cold, hard floor. And, I had to pee. So, I took a quick bathroom break and then started flipping through my journal.

I am thirteen pages from having no room left. It is rather bittersweet... but fitting at the same time... See, I am in uncharted territory.

This summer was not a great summer for me. It was a time full of doubts, questions, and misunderstandings. I was angry at God many times. At one point on a missions-oriented trip I sat at the foot of a cross and basically told God that I didn't like Him anymore and I didn't believe He could do anything for me. The scariest part? I don't remember much of that happening. Yes, I remember a rough summer where I wrestled with the idea of freedom and what that means. I also remember laying in bed feeling incredibly inadequate, worthless, and inferior. I just hadn't remembered going through so many questions.

But... I don't want to take that summer back. Because of those questions and doubts, I now know more about God than I ever knew.

I am in uncharted territory because I have never given over my entire self to God. I have been on a journey these last eight months to finally give up my past. I read over and over in my own handwriting how the past seemed safer and easier, but I know that the past is full of pain that I do not want to experience again. Today I handed it to God. Sharing my testimony next Saturday (it was moved... :( frustrated) will also be a step in forever closing that door.

But not closing it so that I forget about it. I will never forget the things God has freed me from. It isn't an option. Those things have shaped me. Because I am alive in Christ, though, those things no longer hold onto me.

I am in uncharted territory. Please pray with me as I seek God's will and live in freedom. Pray with me as I surrender with every sunrise. Please pray as I close this journal and open my new one.

Which, fittingly, has a verse on the front:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Short stories are my favorite!

2011-03-03T18:35:00.000-05:00

(NOT!)

I am taking Creative Writing this semester. The first month was good. The second month was pretty good, too. But now we are writing a fictional short story. The rough draft is due tomorrow. And I hate my main character. And I have no idea where the story can possibly end.

I changed my entire story last week. I would love to change it again, but that would mean staying up all night writing a new story...

I suppose I will stick with this one.

While I absolutely hate this, I want to do another for class. Perhaps about something that I am more familiar with?

This one is about a woman getting left at the altar. I have never been married. Or left at the altar.

And where could this story end?

I wish it would just write itself... Like life seems to do.

Life is like a novel. It just has lots of writers that fight with each other over everything.

Oh, the epicness.

2011-03-03T17:04:00.001-05:00

I love music. I listen to almost every kind (except country and rap.). Some days, I listen to only wordless music. Today feels like one of those days... so here is one of my favorites. My orchestra director tried to find music for it, but she was unsuccessful. (I was really sad... really, really sad.)

This version is really cool, too. But then again, I like electric guitars. :)

Just one message...

2011-03-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

My wonderful, beautiful Wednesday just shattered into a thousand pieces, like a perfect porcelain plate against concrete. How is it that a few sentences can destroy my day?

A good night's sleep

2011-03-01T07:29:00.002-05:00

I wrote my testimony last night.

I cried only once.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Last night God gave me peace (thanks Grace!).

I slept like I haven't in a very long time.

Today I give my best friends a copy.

Today I trust God more than I ever have.

A thunderstorm of peace.

2011-02-28T19:40:00.001-05:00

Last night we had our first thunderstorm. It was beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. As the rain tapped on my window and the thunder applauded the lighting, I had to suppress my laughter. I was just filled with this feeling of hope and freedom as I read through my old journal full of hate and a darkness.

And as I was sitting here at my computer looking for pictures for a nearly wordless Creative Writing project one of my friends (who lives in NC) posted on my wall.

While God was giving you a thunder storm last night, He was giving me peace.
Tonight, while God is giving me a thunder storm, I hope that He is giving you peace. ♥

I almost started crying. Right here, onto my keyboard. God spoke to her, He had to have. That was exactly what I needed to hear.

Tonight, I am forcing myself to put pen to paper and write this thing. I might cry a few times, but that's alright. The other girls in my small group have been honest. And I need to work on this honesty thing. I need to be transparent.

God, give me the peace and freedom to write this. I am so afraid that other people won't understand. When I hand a certain person the finished copy, help her understand. My story feels ugly and dirty, but it leads to You. You are the One who wrote the story, and You see beauty in it. I will not be ashamed of the things You have done.

Here is a song that I think of and sing when the rain comes down (literal or figurative).

(Please, watch/listen to it. It's only a few minutes. Maybe God will speak to your heart.)

Remembering the Past

2011-02-27T22:23:00.002-05:00

I am sharing my testimony with my small group on Saturday. Because of this, I am reading through my old journals. I don't remember writing most of these things. Some days are a little less blurry than others, but from mid-2005 to mid-2009, I remember very little.

On February 23, 2009, I wrote this at the close of an entry:

"Right now I have too many scars, too much pain inside, too much anger, and too little faith."

Two years later, I can say that I no longer see that sentence as true. I can now identify that as a blatant lie.

Some of you readers may wonder if I would go back and do things differently with the knowledge I have now. I wrote a quickwrite on this for English last semester, and the answer anytime anyone asks is always no. Clearly, I went through certain periods of pain for a reason. A reason that was unknown to me at the time, but better known now. Without my experience, I would not be as equipped for my chosen profession.

Please, please pray for me as I prepare and share my testimony this week. Several of my close friends will be receiving a copy because they do not know my story.

My story is not just my own. It is God's.

A First

2011-02-27T18:11:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I attend my first funeral. "Wait," you may say, "You are seventeen and you have never been to a funeral before?" No. I haven't. I haven't needed too.
Tomorrow I attend the funeral for my principal's husband. I am going with my fellow students to support our principal. What would the point of a Christian school be without exemplifying the church?
What a wonderful Monday, eh?

Bad Days...

2011-02-26T19:35:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those really bad days? Or one of those okay days, that went horribly wrong? Thursday was like that.
I'll be honest, I kind of like school. I like it when I understand what is going on. I like it when I like what we are doing, too. But I missed Pre-calculus because of a Psychology exam (there is a LOT of hate right there. >:( ). But I had learned how to do graphing inequalities before, so I figured I could do it. Only, when I got to the homework I realized I wasn't sure how to shade, I looked in the examples in my book and it was unclear, so I just jumped in with what I thought I knew. Not smart. I ended up in tears redrawing the same graph six times. And then I threw my book across the room. I was kind of freaked out that it took that little of frustration to make me so angry. The stress of other things (like a Bible project and a short story that I have to write... in which I detest every character) have been getting to me lately... The Bible project is now over (Hypostatic Union, I am so glad that Jesus was fully God and fully man, but I am SICK of researching it and teaching people about you.), but the short story is due next week. Not too bad, right? It would be if I didn't suck at writing long fiction.
Page long descriptions of a moment or conversation are okay, but ten pages of a story that makes sense? No way. (Why did I take Creative Writing?) After a page I hate my characters, my writing style, and the way I make my k's. I think my main character is too proud or just plain dumb. I feel like my description sounds dumb. Am I being too critical of myself? Sharing my work is hard. I hate when people pick it apart and point out grammatical flaws (like little ones. I like it when someone fixes a big mistake!) and argue with me over my word choice. I leave some sentences without description for REASONS! What ever happened to leaving out some things for suspense?

I have four journal entries and at least two pages of my story to write tonight. This is awesome. /endsarcasm

So, to sum up:
- Crying over Pre-calculus homework is lame.
- Short stories are lame, too.

60 Days of Beauty? Ooops...

2011-02-26T19:05:00.000-05:00

So... It seems I am unable to finish a simple two-month blogging spree. Oops.
In order to remedy this, I have a list of some more things I find beautiful.

17. The ecstatic greetings of my dogs.
18. Homemade bread.
19. Grass waving in the summer wind.
20. Pianos.
21. Sunrises.
22. Bird song.
23. A brand new journal.
24. Daddies hugging their children.
25. Fire.
26. Worship.
27. People. (Okay, this is only sometimes. I have days where I absolutely can't stand people. But in general, I find them beautiful.)
28. Dancing.
29. Beaches.
30. Laughter.
31. Tears.
32. Guitars. (I am incredibly jealous of those who can play...)
33. Creativity.
34. The Connection Band. (This is the band that plays in the alternate service at my church. Just today I mentioned to my mom that one of their songs would always remind me of home. In fact, I see myself playing their music in my big white house with rainbow doors. :) )
35. Dreaming. (While asleep and the dreams for the future.)
36. Getting things done.
37. Sharing.
38. AGC Baby Center.
39. Confidence.
40. My small group.
41. Breaking the chains.
42. Learning to run. (I say "learning" because that's EXACTLY what it's like.)
43. Hillsong United. (They are my designated group for worship playlists.)
44. Photography.
45. Sunsets.
46. Clouds.
47. Rain on a summer afternoon.
48. Letting go and letting God.
49. Stories.
50. Love.
51. Hope.
52. Rescue.
53. Paint and a clean canvas.
54. Learning to speak Spanish.
55. Wishing on dandelions.
56. Stars. (Especially the ones in Kenya.)
57. Summertime.
58. The tree in my backyard. (Except when I have to mow around it.)
59. Knowing I am not alone.
60. My house. (But not my current house. The house I am talking about is called "Rescate". Back in December, God gave me a picture that blew me away. A simple house with a large porch and lots of windows. It was surrounded by trees. And the idea of peace surrounded the building. And I knew what it was instantly. It's what I've wanted to do for the past two years. It's there to help people. I'm going to teach people freedom, hope, and love. I'm going to teach them how to keep going and how to fight. It's the house where I will meet with God in my sunny kitchen and laugh with those who have not laughed. It's my house with many colors of paint and a large room for the freedom of expression through art. It's bright and sunny all the time because of the many windows. During the summer, the windows are open to let in the air. That's my house. That's my dream. That's where I want to be in ten years.)

Whew. That was a long list... and a very vulnerable list.

Love is...

2011-02-17T21:55:00.000-05:00

Love is:
- A friend date at Taco Bell.
- A warm dog on a cold day.
- When someone looks into your eyes to be sure you are okay.
- Roses for no reason.
- A father buying his daughter flowers for Valentine's Day.
- A mother kissing her tired child's forehead.
- A six year old sharing his cookie with the little boy who has no snack.
- Letting your sister wear your shirt.
- A little girl tryin out her mom's lipstick.
- Being late to work because you stopped to help the person stranded on the side of a busy road.
- Listening even when someone stumbles over their words.
- Waiting.
- A hug without words.
- Letting him go.
- A candlelight dinner with piano recordings in the background.
- Holding hands even though your fingers are freezing.
- Trusting
- Giggling about the dumb things we used to do.
- Watching Pride and Prejudice with her even though you hate it.
- Never giving up your fight.

A Dream

2011-02-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

I have this dream. It's a big dream. It's a dream full of freedom and love. It's a dream of shoving it in the world's face when I show others how to see their own beauty. It's a messy dream full of ink, paint, chalk, fabric, and yarn. It's a dream of healing. I want my whole life to be showing people art, love, beauty, freedom, and healing. That's my dream. In a big old house with a wrap-around porch and rainbow doors, that's where healing will be. Outside in the quiet, welcoming forest, that's where freedom will be.
The huge-ness of this dream scares me, but I know I can do it. I will do it.

A Very Personal Shirt

2011-02-12T12:01:00.001-05:00

(picture heavy)

We have all seen those really cool shirts in stores that have cool prints on them or whatever, but are super expensive, or shirts that we want but don't want to buy online because we don't have a card, or we love the print, but hate the color of the shirt or the paint. So, I'm going to teach you how to make your own printed shirt!

Materials needed:

- Plain t-shirt (I bought mine from Hobby Lobby for three or four dollars)
- Acrylic craft paint (those little bottles that come in hundreds of colors. I used black and white because that is what I had on hand, but you can use whatever colors your heart desires.)
- Access to Word or similar program (to make your stencil)
- X-Acto knife or other craft knife (to cut out your stencil)
- Self-healing cutting board (so you don't kill your table)
- Newspaper (to cover surface and to put inside shirt)
- Extra paper
- Paint brush or sponge
- Paper plate to put paint on
-Tape

Instructions!

First, decide what you want to write. I chose a quote from the organization TWLOHA (here).

Now, if you suck at drawing big letters free hand (like me), get on your computer and pull up Microsoft Word (or any similar program). I wanted the words in all caps and each on their own line. (no pictures of this, sorry) If you are using an image (which will be MUCH harder if it has lots of little pieces) paste that into a Word document and size it, then print it out. Remember that your image can't really be bigger that a piece of paper is wide. (I set my paper to landscape and printed each word separately. But it can't be any wider than about 10.5" without a bigger piece of paper than regular copy paper) Once you have chosen font and size, print it out (make your letters LIGHT gray or print it as a draft if your printer has that option. This is to save ink.).

Lay out your shirt on a table bigger than mine. I just used the small round table we had in the basement because there was stuff on the kitchen table that I didn't want to deal with (it wasn't mine). Get out EVERYTHING you need (or think you will need. I probably spent more time searching for things than actually painting).

See, I don't have everything I need. (iPod touch is optional) So, go run and get everything you need. Back yet? Okay. Now grab you cutting board and x-Acto knife.

Now you can see what I mean by the way I printed it. I changed the margins so that I could print as far to the edge as possible. (Font was Candara or something like that. The letters were size 300 or so.) Grab your first sheet and grab an x-Acto knife. I used the red handled one because it was easier to hold onto and not as heavy. CAREFULLY cut out the letters. Don't worry if parts stick up. We will tape those down.

Go back and smooth out the edges. It doesn't matter if the inner letter is mangled, you just want the stencil to be smooth. Any imperfections will show up on your shirt.

Continue until your entire stencil is cut out. Now go on to your others. (If you have more)

Uh-oh! What do I do about the "O"? It has an inside? Just cut it out.

And set it aside (in a safe place, you don't want to lose it!), then cut the gray part out...

This stencil is sticking up all over the place, but we will tape it all down.

Go on to your last stencil. I wanted a heart instead of my "O", but I went ahead and printed it with an "O" so that I knew where it needed to be. I cut out the heart of wanted, then traced it over the "O" and cut it out.
You will notice that I have two stencils on that page to save paper. You can do this, you just want to be sure there is enough space to cut them apart.

See the heart? It looks wonky, but it turned out great. Cut off any excess on the stencils (leaving about a half inch so that you don't get paint off the stencil) and set aside the knives and cutting board.

I grabbed two sections of newspaper and stuck them inside, but then noticed that they made an icky crease line. So I took them out and folded the opposite way to get rid of the crease.

See? It messed up my stencils.

Decide where you want the image or words to be. (I used the t-shirt I had on to compare) and lay out the first stencil. ((In my picture, I already painted the first stencil to get a feel for it.))

Take your tape and make it sticky on both sides by folding it and overlapping it on itself. Don't be skimpy! You want nice crisp lines, and that happens by having a flat stencil. Center it (or place it wherever it should go) and press it flat. Carefully tape the sides flat with tape.
Away from your shirt, pour your paint onto your paper plate. (If you are mixing colors, make sure to make PLENTY of color!) Use your brush or sponge to grab some paint and dab it over the stencil. Be careful not to get it off the paper on the outside. I used two coats because my paint was kind of opaque. (Sorry, no pictures!) Let it sit for a few seconds, then take off the outside tape and carefully(!) pull up the stencil. Continue to do this.

But remember our "O"? What do we do!?

Stick some tape on the backside...

And then stick it where it goes!

Yay! Pretty! (You can see where I tried to cover up my boo boos. Bad idea. I had to mix paint several times to get it the right color, then I had to go over it with lighter paint because it dried darker... if they aren't too noticeable, just leave them. (Or use another stencil and make a star or something).

If you still have opaque areas, take a small brush and take a little bit of paint and go over that area. (carefully!)

I added some freehand writing to the bottom hem. This is totally optional, but I wanted the organization's name on it.

Leave to dry overnight. DO NOT flip it over to work on the back until the paint is more than completely dry. My paint said it would dry in a half hour, but I would wait at least two. (Or overnight to be safe)

Go wash out your brushes so they won't get nasty. Now. You don't want gross, crinkly brushes (or sponges), do you?

No pics of me wearing it yet, I'm probably going to put some words on the back, I just haven't decided what yet.

Any questions? Leave them in the comments. (: Good luck!

60 Days of Beauty - Day 16, Buttons

2010-12-19T19:41:00.000-05:00

16. Buttons

Yeah, I know I'm insane.

Through my expeditions to Goodwill to feed my every-growing want for yarn, I have ended up with quite a collection of buttons. Add to that buttons bought for pennies on clearance and the buttons my mom wanted, and I have a fully authorized button box. Sometimes I take the buttons out and imagine what they would look like on a certain garment. Plus, they're all smooth and cold and pretty. :) And each one is a little different.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 15, Lists of Stuff

2010-12-19T19:02:00.000-05:00

15. Lists of Stuff

Does anyone else feel accomplished if they so much as write down the things they plan on doing? It feels so good to make a to do list. It helps me to have a paper reminder of the things I want/need to do in the coming day. It's beautiful... I don't know how to explain it... it just is. :)

60 Days of Beauty - Day 14, lazy days

2010-12-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

14. lazy days

You know those days when you don't have anything to do, or you have something to do but you enjoy it so much that it doesn't bother you to do it. For me, a lazy day is beautiful with a small dog (or two), a warm blanket, a couple balls of wool or cotton, some pointy sticks, and one of my favorite movies (Right now I am in love with Elf). Maybe throw some baking in there too. Such good days... Relaxing, watching movies, listening to some music... I love it.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 13, Home

2010-12-13T18:32:00.001-05:00

13. Home

I haven't always loved my family. I haven't always loved to come home. I haven't always loved the way my mom clacks away at the keyboard or the way my dad sleep-watches tv. I haven't always enjoyed the way the cupboards sound when they shut or the way the basement door has to be pressed to shut all the way. But now those things remind me of home. It wouldn't be the same without the keyboard or the quests to steal the remote. I know what door is being shut by the sound it makes. Home is beautiful because that is the place I feel like I belong. It is safe for me.

(Yes, I decorated the above gingerbread house)

60 Days of Beauty - Day 12, Family

2010-12-13T16:46:00.000-05:00

12. Family

Today my aunt took me home from school because my brother was staying after and my parents were pimping body fluids. I got in my aunt's car and was pleasantly surprised at the three voices that said as one "Linny!". Even though I see my cousins almost every day (we go to the same school) it makes me feel loved how they wave, smile, and give me a hug every time I see them. (Except Tori. She's ten. She's too cool for hugs.)
My family has its problems just like every other family, but I am blessed to be given people who I can laugh and joke with. And people who can just be empathetic.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 11, relationships

2010-12-13T16:20:00.001-05:00

11. Relationships

The above picture is of me and my bestie, Becky, from finals week last week. Yes, that is a paper mache duck. It took me a long time to figure out friends. God finally taught me that friendship is a two-way street, and I have to put as much time, effort, and godly love into the relationship as I expect to get back. It involves me investing things in the relationship.
I heard someone ask why teens put so much time, money, and effort into a romantic relationship that was not guaranteed to last much longer than the next week or month, yet did not do the same things in their friendships. Since then, I have been determined to change my relationships. I've tried to change them from being "me me me" to "her her her". I'm not being obsessed with my friends or anything, but I'm not expecting them to do everything in our relationship. As someone who was once in a very dependent and controlling relationship, it feels a lot better to be dependent on each other in a healthy way (bearing each others burdens) but not to the point where the other person cannot live without the other.

60 Days of Beauty - What I have learned so far

2010-12-10T22:14:00.001-05:00

I've been struck by a few things as I have been on this journey:

1. People need to be told how beautiful they are every day. Too many people go through the day avoiding mirrors and attempting to cover up all the things they think are ugly about themselves.

2. Sometimes it is hard to find beauty. It is a daily process to identify even one thing to blog about. This is sad. I'm working on making this different

3. Way too often I am tempted to close my eyes to the things around me and just attempt to get through the day without any mishaps. This is wrong. I need to open my eyes and watch for opportunities to see beautiful things and to be in the lives of others.

4. Beauty is found in flaws.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 10, Encouragement

2010-12-10T22:04:00.000-05:00

10. Encouragement

For the past week I have been staying up every night to create a surprise for two of my friends who left today for the Dominican. The surprise was an card of encouragement for each day they were gone. As I wrote, I tried to listen to God's guidance in what I said. I wanted the cards to be a reminder of the prayer that was behind them, and of the people excited to hear the things they did when they came home.

Since today's topic is encouragement, I tried my best today to give people around me encouragement. I told a Chinese foreign exchange student that I thought she was beautiful, but she gave me an odd look and shook her head. I smiled at a lot of people, and I had a conversation with my old art teacher whom I love. I told another girl she had pretty eyes and I laughed at my dad's jokes. ( :) )

Encouragement is beautiful because it gives hope. Encouragement is beautiful because it helps me survive the bad days. Encouragement is beautiful because it creates relationships.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 9, Song

2010-12-09T18:36:00.002-05:00

9. Song

Specifically, today is about song. I will cover music another day, but I thought song should have it's own category, especially because of the way it stood out to me today.

Today was our Christmas chapel at school. While not my favorite chapel, I still love it, especially this year. Today a girl sang a song she wrote for a Bible project that was assigned to the entire junior class earlier in the year. She is in my Bible class, so I had already heard it, but it shocked me to see the song affect me a second time. She prefaced the song by saying she had tried to convey the way God romances us. I don't have the exact lyrics, which is sad because it is such a beautiful song. (EDIT: The lyrics are now posted in a comment thanks to Darby and Liesl Bell!)

She talks about how she has always longed for someone who will take her in their arms and waltz with her across the dance floor, talking and laughing with her. She slips into a ball late (for an unknown reason) and stands in the shadows with her eyes closed, hoping, wishing, and waiting. She feels a tap on her shoulder and opens her eyes to see a man bowing to her, asking her to dance. She then says that he romances her and dances her across the room.

Darby's voice is so beautiful, and the longing that is portrayed through her words and the inflection of her voice are striking. Her mother played the piano as she sang, and the piano accompanied her perfectly. It never detracted from Darby's singing, it only made it prettier.

Chapel today was beautiful. Darby's song was beautiful. The cans we donated to Faith Mission were beautiful. Several of my best friends are leaving for the DR in 10 hours, and that is beautiful.

My day was just plain beautiful... except for the history project that I must do now... I'm not much of a history person. Haha.

Have a beautiful day. ^_^

60 Days of Beauty - Day 8, Freedom

2010-12-09T17:28:00.001-05:00

This was supposed to be yesterday's, but I didn't have time because I had to write a whole bunch of things for two friends who are leaving for the Dominican Republic tomorrow. ((Blogging on that tomorrow... One of them reads this and most of it is supposed to be a surprise!!)) So here is yesterday's...

8. Freedom.

I"m not talking about America freedom, I'm talking about personal freedom. That freedom where it is no longer scary to get out of bed in the morning or step outside the house. The freedom where it's okay to sit in a room with tons of people, but still be alone. That freedom where it doesn't matter what other people say. Where it's okay to be yourself. The freedom that I try to live in every day of my life. The freedom that Jesus gives us when we give up and let Him hold us.

60 Days of Beauty - Day 7, Christmas lights

2010-12-07T21:25:00.001-05:00

7. Christmas lights

I know Derry already did this one (we even used the same image!), but with 60 days and 14+ people joining in, there are bound to be overlaps. But I have different reasons behind my love for them.

I suppose it could be my attraction to shiny things, or my love of things that catch my attention in general, but I love tiny lights. If I had my way, we would keep a tree up all year long (the little one with colored lights that sits in the dining room.). I just love them. Every time I drive down the road and there are Christmas lights on a house, my breath stops. I find them amazing. They make me smile. :D

60 Days of Beauty - Day 6 - Written Words

2010-12-06T18:50:00.001-05:00

6. Written Words

Whether written or spoken, the power that words have on our lives is hard to miss. For me, the beauty comes when I place my pen on a piece of lined paper and my heart begins to pour out. When I talk to God through my written words rather than my spoken words I am more focused and I also have a written recording of our conversation. Another thing that is beautiful that has to do with written words are my old journals. (Has to do with day 3/4) I love to be able to look back and see (in my own writing!) what God has done and what He is still doing. Plus, I get chills when I use gel pens and it takes nothing to push the pen across the page.

:)

60 Days of Beauty - Day 5

2010-12-05T18:30:00.001-05:00

Last night I was wondering what I would blog about tonight. I was kind of exhausted after writing about four things last night... and doing a lot of writing last night. I also spent a lot of time having a conversation with God. Lately I have been learning that talking to God doesn't always mean sitting down, closing my eyes, and thinking words to God. Lately I have been doing other things to connect with God. That means a lot of encouragement notes written and a whole lot of writing and a whole lot of attempting to glorify God with every step I take. That leads me to day 5.

5. God

This is hard to explain. Maybe through a song?

You are beautiful

Watch it. Now.

Did you watch it?

Go back and do it!

NOW!

I love this song. :)

Did you listen?

Alright, good.

If you haven't heard this song before, go ahead and go back and listen to it a second time, or a third time. It never gets old... Haha.

Let's look at the lyrics now...

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
I see Your face, I see Your face
I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

The fourth verse is my favorite. It reminds me a lot of Ted Dekker's Circle series. (here) The books revolve a lot around a character named "Elyon" (who represents God) and the way He romances His beloved. To think about God that way blows my mind. It overwhelms me to think that God wants me to be in a reciprocating relationship with me. He doesn't just want to be over me and be in charge of me... He wants to be in a relationship where we are equal, both loving, both placing time into our relationship. He doesn't want me to talk to Him every once in awhile... He wants to be my best friend. He wants to be with me every day. I get chills just thinking about this!

He wants the praise and worship I give Him, but He doesn't just take that and leave me to do everything I can to appease a malevolent god. He stays in my life and touches it every day.

God is beautiful. He made everything. Because He is beautiful, wouldn't that make everything beautiful? Yup. Even earthquakes and mosquitoes and things that hurt you. He wasn't wrong to make those things. He decides what is right and wrong. He is beautiful.

Go back and listen to the song again. :) Have a wonderful day/week/year/rest of your life.

60 Days of Beauty- A late start

2010-12-04T18:18:00.006-05:00

WARNING! LONG POST!

I'm getting a bit of a late start, I suppose, but I might as well start now. My youth pastor, Derry Prenkert (here), started something called 60 Days of Beauty on December 1st. I meant to join the bandwagon yesterday, but it turns out that I cannot blog from my iPod touch. ( :( )

Now, the only problem I have is figuring out what I want to talk about. The past few days have been so full of beauty for me. Last night God and I had a nice long chat. That was beauty in and of itself. I could talk about life in general, I could talk about today's run, I could talk about the simplicity I love to keep in my life... I guess I could do four things since today is really day four. Here we go...

1. Yarn.

I know. I'm crazy. But it's a knitter/crocheter/crafter thing. But seeing a piece of string turn into fabric is awesome for me. I love it. I love seeing the stitches formed and changed and moved. People usually think I'm weird, but I have the ability to make beautiful things. Ha. Plus, yarn is soft, colorful, squishy and I get chills just thinking about it!

2. Snow.

I live in Indiana. We have snow. I pretend to like it. Except in December. In December, snow is my favorite thing. Have you ever noticed how it lazily makes its way from sky to ground? Rain has a plan in mind, snow doesn't. Snow interrupts your everyday life and makes things difficult, but it is pretty. I woke up to snow this morning and I was rather sad as it melted during my run.
The majority of Hoosiers I talk to on a daily basis hate snow... but I'm not sure why. We were given something so beautiful. I'm so grateful for my ability to see and feel it, even though the wind is biting and my fingers are constantly cold.

3 and 4 are pretty similar. So I will do them together.

3. Letting down walls.
4. The past.

Do you disagree with the fourth? Let me show you what I mean...

Some people who know me know about the struggles God has placed me in. Some have no idea, some barely grasp it. Like any other person, I had struggles with confidence and understanding. I was on a downward spiral and I felt like I was drowning. I grew angry at God. How could He? Where was He? I became a shell of who I was supposed to be. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know who the people around me were... but I slowly started to understand. The walls around me fell when I allowed God into my life. It hurt. It hurt for Him to destroy the walls inside me that kept me captive, but now I am not the same person. I am who God wants me to be.
It took me a long time to realize the beauty in my past. It has taken me a long time to realize a lot of things. But I wouldn't change that. The beauty in my past is the way I now react to God's grace and love. It is the way I now react to other people. I can now help others heal.

I apologize for the length, but it was four days' worth!

More skirts!

2010-07-26T14:07:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I went downstairs to find my mom's cutting mat and the little see-through thing you use to line up and cut straight lines with. I found the cutting mat, but the board was no where to be found. So, naturally, I went upstairs, grabbed a trash bag, and started going through the stuff. After three very full garbage bags (mostly of old school stuff) I found the board... but I couldn't just leave everything a mess! So now half of the basement is very organized and you can actually see the floor! (I'm very proud of myself!) There's lots of stuff for a garage sale next summer (I was hoping to go through and get rid of all of this stuff this summer, but I was gone on garage sale day!)
But, here is what I did last night (and this morning).
They look better in person. I wasn't able to get a great picture. I used the same tutorial as before, but this time I wasn't as picky about the way I hemmed them. One skirt has a horizontal panel because I didn't have enough fabric!

And here is what I'm currently making.

I started this blanket last year, but for the past six months (or more?) it's been sitting on the futon in my basement. Because most of the yarn is cheap acrylic it's not super soft, but I'm hoping that when I'm done it's super warm! ((In case you were wondering how big this is, it's about as wide as I am tall and only about 2 1/2 feet tall right now.))

Mom, you better use this for the rest of your life....

2010-07-23T19:35:00.006-04:00

My mom convinced me to make her a purse. Not just a simple tote, but a purse with pleats and a lining. I made one for4-H, and I guess my mom thought it was so cute that she just had to have one herself. And who can say no to their mom, right? ((jk)) I worked on it a little bit before camp, but after I got back I had to crack down on all of my 4-H projects that I had procrastinated on. Yesterday I decided that I had to finish it. I didn't want it to sit around forever half finished. I worked on the stupid thing for atleast four hours yesterday. I stabbed myself with straight pins atleast six times. I bent the needle on the sewing machine and had to find a new one... and then I had chocolate ice cream to console myself.

This morning I finished sewing on the handles and sewed on the large button that makes it a complete purse. And the thing is finally finished.

So, the tally is...Times blood was drawn: 1Number of songs listened to while working on it: waaay to many to count
Number of times I had to re-wind the bobbin: 4 (I messed it up several times.)
Number of times I nearly took scissors to the entire project: 6

But enough about that!

Look at these pretty things!!
They are made from these pants.

I used this tutorial. I have a pair of Joe Boxer sleep pants that I'll do the same thing with tomorrow (maybe). I just have to get out the cutting board and rotary cutter. ((The pants had rips in them, we already had the elastic, embellishments, and thread, so no money was spent! Three cheers for being thrifty!!))

I've been waiting too long to post again...

2010-07-21T13:00:00.002-04:00

Yeah, it's been a long time, hasn't it?

What have I been doing? Knitting like crazy and driving myself crazy with 4-H projects. But my 4-H projects have all been turned in! So take that!I've finished several super cute things that I just have to share..

This is Petunia. I started crocheting her way back in September. And I finally made her some ears and gave her a face. I love her. :) Oh, and she goes perfectly with the petunias we planted in the awesome new planters Dad made!! Petunia, with petunias! Haha. Rachael named her.

This is Habakkuk. I gave him to Rebekah for her seventeenth birthday. He's really cute! The yarn I used to make him is from a Christopher and Banks sweater I got at Goodwill for $1.25! ((I couldn't even buy the buttons that were on it for that price!)) I still have a lot of it left, but most of it is going into a rug. :) ))

And this is Dr. Octavius. He plans to take over the world. See the smug look on his face? haha. I gave him to Rachael for her sixteenth birthday. He kept her company throughout the rest of the school year. I plan to make more of these... if I can get over sewing on all the legs!

And a little more about knitting... There's finally a knitting group at church! It's been super fun to hang out with other knitters (even though I'm the youngest by far!). But tonight I'll be going to FYBY (aka, Wednesday night youth group) instead. I haven't been there yet, and I need to be with some people my own age!

So, that's it for now! Once I have some more projects finished I'll share them, but I'll relax after such a busy half of a summer!

bag pattern

2010-03-06T14:59:00.006-05:00

I first started this bag while working at Jimtown Pizza one night. I hand-dyed the wool with Kool-aid and I needed something that would show off the pretty colors, but wouldn't take much yarn. This is it!

Needles: Size 7 or 8 U.S. I used eight, but some of my pattern testers used size seven.
Yarn: Any worsted weight should be fine. I used Lion Brand Fisherman's wool and a little bit of acrylic because I did not have enough wool. ((80-120 yards are needed, more if you would like the bag to be bigger.))

Pattern:
CO about 65 stitches. You can vary this to control pooling or to get the most bag out of your yarn.
Knit several rounds.
*K2tog, yarn over* around
Knit until you have reached your desired length, or are nearly out of yarn
*Knit 5, k2tog* around (depending on how many stitches you cast on in the beginning, this may not work perfectly, but it's not a big deal.)
Knit one row.
*Knit 4, k2tog* around
Knit one row.
*Knit 3, k2tog* around
Knit one row.
*Knit 2, k2tog* around
Knit one row.
*Knit 1, k2tog* around
Knit one row.
*k2tog* around.
Break yarn and thread it through remaining stitches, pull tight.
Weave in the ends.
Cast on 3-5 stitches for i-cord.
Knit until your i-cord is about 12 inches long. It is totally your choice how long it should be in the end. If you don't have enough yarn, then a contrasting color would be cute, too.
Weave in ends.
Weave the cord into the eyelets every other one.

Ta-da! A cute bag!

hopeful

2009-04-05T17:53:00.005-04:00

((yes, I randomly found this image online.))

Sometimes when I'm driving ((well... not me... someone else is always driving. I'm not yet legal)) down the road and stop at stoplights or stop signs, I glance into the car next to me. I wonder where that person is going. I wonder if they've just received bad news or if they are hurrying to get home to see their family. I wonder if they believe in God. I wonder if they pray. Sometimes sitting there I'll pray for that person, their family.
I also wonder if they have hope. ((note the picture!)) I wonder if that person in the car next to me believe that nothing good will ever come out of life. I wonder if they have hope to take another step or if they'll fall.
Sometimes I pray that they'll have the strength to take the next step, to talk to the person they need to talk to, or place their trust in God, or realize that they've been wrong. I don't care if that person wants the prayer or not... I just pray.

Am I weird? Yeah, probably, but it helps me to realize that there are so many people and so many problems in this world.

Do you have hope? Do you know that things will eventually turn out alright? Or at least semi-okay? Do you know that you have hope in Christ? I hope every person who reads this knows that.

((off topic))
One of my really good friends got baptized today! I'm so proud of him! He's changed so much from January until now. Maybe coming here wasn't such a bad thing for him after all. x]

waiting...

2009-04-04T18:24:00.009-04:00

What are you waiting for? A call from someone? Your situation to change? What if those things don't happen? What if that call never comes, your situation never changes, your loved one doesn't come back? What then? What are you waiting for?
Many times Americans don't have patience. We expect things here and now (why else were microwaves invented?) and we refuse to take "no" as an answer for anything. We can't believe that the subway was delayed for even a second because we woke up late, got to the station late, and now we are going to be late for work.
Did the thought of patience ever cross your mind? Or maybe the fact that there is something bigger than you out there? Did prayer ever cross your mind? For most of us God is just something we pull out on Sunday mornings, and maybe Wednesday nights. But have you ever noticed that sometimes waiting isn't as hard when you involve God in your waiting process? You ask Him to give your patience and peace. You ask Him to help you to realize that maybe that phone call isn't all that important, or that you can be content in your current situation.
I'm currently waiting for my friends to come back. I'm waiting to see if I can make it out of this. I'm waiting to see if this relationship is worth it. But I'm asking Him for patience. And the strength to keep on going even when I feel like I can't.
So... What are you waiting for?

ugh... the stairs...

2009-04-04T12:13:00.003-04:00

so... most of you know that I am a klutz. A major klutz. And I usually have about 1-2 klutzy moments a day. And I got mine in today.
Zack called me upstairs for lunch... and I went to take the stairs two at a time like I normally do, except I kind of missed the step so I went flying into the stairs. At my house we call this "falling up the stairs".

So... you all got to hear about how klutzy I am. x]

25 random things you may not know about ME!

2009-03-29T15:01:00.003-04:00

1. I am a twin.
2. I have known my best friend since 5th grade.
3. I know how to knit... and I do it alot.
4. I also know how to crochet!
5. I have gone to NMC since kindergarten (or around there).
6. I am good at keeping secrets. (shhh!)
7. I have only been out of the country once.
8. I have never seen the Pacific Occean.
9. Charleston, South Carolina, is one of my favorite places in the world.
10. My favorite place in the whole entire world is the AGC Baby Center in Ngata, Kenya.
11. I am really good at procrastinating.
12. My only sibling is my twin brother.
13. I've always wanted a sister.
14. I go to a private school.
15. I almost always get 100s on my verse quizzes.
16. I did Bible quizzing for a few years in elementary school.
17. Monster makes me really crazy.
18. I have never had a boyfriend. ((:O, but my dad is happy for that, I'm pretty sure!!))
19. I know the words to many, many songs.
20. I play the violin.
21. I play softball and basketball.
22. I can speak quite a bit of spanish. (but I don't really have the whole understanding part down)
23. My art won two awards in an art show last weekend. (a blue ribbon and a red ribbon!)
24. I like the number 24. :D
25. I just wrote 24 random things about me!

2009-03-23T20:44:00.004-04:00

Money earned: $20 yesterday
Money spent: none
Nutty Bars eaten: none (they're 50 cents now!!!)
Coffee consumed: none
Hours listening to music: eh... about two
Tears cried: none (:O)
Hours of studying: a couple
Books read: uno
Friends made: um... none :(
Lessons learned: 3 (softballs are scary) (Mariana's mom's cell phone is evil) (I can have a conversation in spanish with Abbie)

so... this is just a random post. I figured I'd just kind of update...

Not much to say...

Just pretty bored... lol...

-Kaylyn

humbled...

2009-03-21T18:20:00.003-04:00

For those of you who go to NMC, you may know Pastor Chris Knight. Chris and his wife have two kids, Brenin and Corbin. Both of them are quizzers this year. Today was quiz finals, and Corbin's team was in the finals, in the quiz for 1st and 2nd in B flight. After question 19 was answered the other coach called a time out and told her quizzers not to jump, because she did not want to mess up their chances of winning. But Eric (the boys' coach) forgot about the -20 for a wrong answer on the last question and the +20 bonus... so he told the boys to go ahead and jump. The question was read, Corbin jumped, and then stood there. After the 30 seconds for him to answer were over, he sat down. The other team got the bonus correct, and won the match. The kids were disappointed... but Corbin had done the right thing. A few other quizzers were also in the room, and one sitting by him had whispered the answer. Corbin did not say anything, even though he already knew the answer, because technically it would have been cheating.

How is that for a humbling experience? I know adults who wouldn't do that... My dad said he deserved Dairy Queen for something like that. They didn't get first place because of that!

I felt bad for him... but he did the right thing.

the weekend...

2009-03-20T19:07:00.004-04:00

It's like a breath of fresh air. Finally... time without homework, stress, and lack of sleep (not really. x])

But this past week has just been a mess. You know... all the high school drama of who-likes-whom and who-just-dumped-whom.... yeah... I've got that going on right now. And last night I basically had a panic attack about a history project...

And today I had some major mood swings. Like from uber depressed "life sucks and I want to die" to standing on top of the world and laughing and joking in about five seconds. I don't know what happened to make that happen... but it happened two or three times today in varying degrees. And I was incredibly goofy during softball because that was one of my hyper swings...

This weekend should be pretty good. Quizzing is tomorrow and I'll be doing a bit of quiz mastering/keeping score for Dad. And I will possibly be going to Mariana's house (although that may not work out) for a Saturday/Sunday hang out session. But that probably won't work out because of quizzing.

hmmm.... I really should get some of this hyperness out of my system.

the last 60 hours...

2009-03-15T18:06:00.003-04:00

have been a blur....

to start this all off... on Thursday morning I woke up feeling really nasty. I took my temperature and it was just above 102. ((fun, right?)) So my mom told me I could stay home until 11. I went back to bed, slept until 9, took a shower, and skipped off to school. ((yeah right, I was so drugged I could barely see straight)) I kind of floated through school.

Friday morning I woke up with a fever again... but I couldn't stay home, so I went to school armed with DayQuil and Flonase.

Friday night was the last night of the drama, so after we had all of the stuff packed up in the trailer outside FBC we loaded into our cars and made our way to Brandon Puckett's house. I rode with Val and Kristin, two seniors who didn't mind driving me, so we had to drop Val off at her house so she could take some things inside and get her car.
Now Puckett's house is absolutely HUGE!! We go inside and most people are there already... but we get some food and sit around the dining room table and are talking about random stuff. And then somehow we all got shuffled downstairs and half of us were standing in a circle randomly talking... and someone found a hula hoop and a couple people were showing off their mad hula-hooping skills.
And apparently we are not allowed to listen to music... ever... We got in trouble for listening to music... ((but if that one teacher hadn't been there, no one would have cared. it's not like we were moshing or doing anything bad.))
So we decided we would watch a movie. Somehow about 20 of us managed to get in front of Brandon's tv... and we watched "1408". If you don't know... "1408" is an adaptation of a Stephen King book. A wonderful movie to watch on Friday the 13th ((which was a running joke that night)) but it wasn't Friday the 13th for very long while we were watching it. So at about 1 am, after the movie was over, we all got rides home ((I rode home with Lauren and Christen ((different Christen))))
I get home and my mom is watching "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". I think this movie is crazy hilarious (and I'm always up for a good chick flick) so I sat down and watched it with her.
I finally went to bed around 2:30 am.

I slept until 2 pm. Then I kind of meandered around the house after taking a shower. ((I think I still have traces of stage makeup on me, though!))

We ((my mom and I)) went to Jamie and Jolinda's around 5:30 to have a reunion with our Kenya team. We had a good time looking through each other's albums and hearing about the babies that have been adopted in the time we've been back in the US ((quite a few have been!!)). I had a good time.

And then there was Sunday school today and all that stuff... and a little bit of homework to finish up...

But this weekend was a blur.

prayer...

2009-03-11T17:55:00.004-04:00

Hey... if you guys could pray for my friend, it would be greatly appreciated. On Tuesday he left school early to go home (he actually lives near Indy, but he lives in a group home up here) because his uncle died. We were talking right before he left and he was blaming himself for his uncle's death (well... partially anyway). He isn't in the best mental state to begin with (he's bipolar) and could really use a lot of prayer. He should be back here by Friday... which is good, because I need to talk to him about some things... but anyways...

And for me, because the next three days are likely to be incredibly stressful. I have drama productions Thursday and Friday night, cast party Friday night, and then whatever homework that is assigned tomorrow. Also Friday is the end of the quarter... and then next Friday I have a paper due in history.

thanks guys...

-Kaylyn

abortion...

2009-03-07T13:13:00.003-05:00

I found this online... and I thought it was pretty interesting....

In the United States, there are many situations in which abortions are recommended, even encouraged. Sometimes an abortion is recommended because of difficult circumstances and other times simply for convenience. Here are four cases for you to consider. Should this baby be aborted?
Four Cases:
Case #1. There's a traveling preacher and his wife who are living in poverty. They already have fourteen children. Now she finds out she's pregnant with the 15th child. They are very poor and probably will be unable to afford a doctor's attention. Considering their poverty, the excessive world population, and the number of children they already have, would you recommend she get an abortion?
Case #2. The grandmother is an alcoholic and the father spends his evenings out drinking in the taverns. His mother has tuberculosis. She has already given birth to four children. The first child is blind, the second child died, the third child is deaf, and the fourth child has tuberculosis. Now the mother is pregnant again. Given the extreme situation, would you consider recommending an abortion?
Case #3. A white man raped a 13-year-old black girl and now she is pregnant. Her family lives in extreme poverty; in fact, to survive, food often has to be stolen. If you were her parents, would you recommend or require her to have an abortion?
Case #4. A teenage girl of thirteen or fourteen year old is pregnant. She is not married and lives in an outback area with very little in way of money or resources. The man she hopes to marry someday is not the father of the baby, and he's considering walking away due to the embarrassment of the situation. There is no hospital available nor are doctors able to give her medical attention. Would you consider recommending that she get an abortion?

The Reality:
Case #1: You would have just aborted the world-famous Methodist preacher John Wesley.
Case #2: You would have just aborted the great composer Ludwig van Beethoven.
Case #3: You would have just aborted Ethel Waters, the marvelous black Gospel singer.
Case #4: You would have just aborted Jesus Christ, the savior of the world.

Since we are killing off over a million of our babies each year, how many other geniuses, artists, musicians, scientists, saints, and others have we assassinated? If the "pro-choice" (pro-abortion) folks have their way, the world may be deprived of a genius with the cure for cancer, the first female president, the inventor of new technologies, the saint who could have led us closer to God, the inventor of medical miracles, etc. In the lust of personal peace and pleasure, are we Americans killing the very people that God has sent to assist, teach, and save us?

summer... maybe?

2009-03-06T16:57:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling where you walk outside and it's waaaay warmer than you expected and you're wondering why in the world you are wearing a sweatshirt and long pats? Yeah, that happened to me yesterday. I expected it to be really cold when I walked out from school, but it was so warm that I took off my sweatshirt immediately.

Then today it was the same thing. I wasn't quite sure why I was wearing jeans and hadn't just left my gym shorts on.

I had forgotten how freeing summer feels at first. You step outside and push up your sleeves and remember that you can now go without shoes without being afraid of frostbite. And you immediately get happy. It's like you get high off the warm air.

I just love spring... it makes me so happy... and makes me put on my hawk nelson cd full blast. :D

love always,

Kaylyn

Self-Injury Awareness Day

2009-03-01T20:13:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't know, today is March 1st... and March 1st is self-injury awareness day (or SIAD).

For those of you who don't know, self-injury is defined as inflicting deliberate harm on oneself without suicidal intent. This can include cutting, burning, hitting, and eating disorders. A common belief regarding self-injury is that it is an attention-seeking behaviour; however, in most cases, this is inaccurate. Many self-injurers are very self-conscious of their wounds and scars and feel guilty about their behaviour leading them to go to great lengths to conceal their behaviour from others. They may offer alternative explanations for their injuries, or conceal their scars with clothing. Self-injury in such individuals is not associated with suicidal or para-suicidal behaviour. The person who self-injures is not usually seeking to end his or her own life; it has been suggested instead that he or she is using self-injury as a coping mechanism to relieve emotional pain or discomfort. ((taken from wikipedia))

I have watched many of my friends struggle with self-injury or eating disorders. They were not attempting suicide or anything, they were just trying to deal with stress and their lives...

If you know someone like this... I understand your pain. It's something that is hard to deal with. It's hard to watch someone you love use something like this to deal with their lives... but it's part of reality. They are not trying to hurt those around them... they are actually trying to help them. They are trying to keep their emotions from spilling over... they are hiding, making everyone think they are ok.

If you know someone like this, you probably don't know what to do. First of all, don't overreact. Second, try to look at it from their perspective, try to understand. Third, don't jump to conclusions.

To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) is an organization that helps spread awareness and help about self-injury and suicide. Check out their website ( http://www.twloha.com/ ) to find out more information.

peace,
-Kaylyn

fun questions!

2009-02-25T21:37:00.003-05:00

1. First thing you wash in the shower? hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? gray
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? i don't even know who i kissed last... :O ((would be no one))
4.Do you plan outfits? sometimes
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tired... bored... dreading school...
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? a dictionary
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? aim
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? i was... sledding... i think...
9. Did you meet anybody new today? nopes
10. What are you craving right now? the brownie peanut butter things my small group leader brought tonight.
11. Do you floss? when i think about it.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? home ec. last year.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim? last night
14. Are you emotional? i'm a girl... saying i'm not emotional is probably the biggest lie ever.
15. Would you dance to the taco song? what's the taco song?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? i'm not sure.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? depends on my mood.
18. Do you like your hair? some days.
19. Do you like yourself? some days.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity? no...
21. Do you like cottage cheese? never...
22. What are you listening to right now? John Mayer
23. How many countries have you visited? 3...
24. Are your parents strict? sometimes.
25. Would you go sky diving? probably.
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? yeah.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him? no.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? the lamp next to me
29. Have you ever been in a castle? nope
30. Do you rent movies often? in the summer.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? there are no desks behind me.
32. Have you made a prank phone call? no.
33. Do you own a gun? No
34. Can you count backwards from 74? never tried to.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight? no one. i'm going to sleep.
36. Brown or white eggs? white.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nope... but i've had my eye on one of their shirts for awhile.
38. Ever been on a train? once.
39. Ever been in love? no.
40. Do you have a cell-phone? nope.
41. Are you too forgiving? idk
42. Do you use chap stick? when i remember
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? school
44. Can you use chop sticks? neer tried...
45. Ever have cream puffs? yup.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? nope
47. What was the last question you asked? idk...
48. What was the last CD you bought? wow... i have no idea. it's been awhile
49. Boys or girls? Boys
50. What is your bus number for school? i don't ride a bus to school
51. Is your hair curly? Naturally, yes quite
52. Last time you cried? idk
53. Ever walked into a wall? yes. you don't want to know how many times.
54. Do looks matter? sometimes
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? Nope.
56. Have you ever slapped someone? yes, just the other day, actually
57. Favorite time of the year? spring
58. Favorite color? Purple or green.
59. Are you sarcastic? no never... ;)
60. Do you have any tattoos? hehe... no
61. The last person you held hands with? abbie cuz we were being goofy.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on? no.
63. Where was your default picture taken at? i don't have a default picture...
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? ummm... no
65. Do you like your life right now? some days.
66. How often do you talk on the phone? maybe once every two days.
67. What is your favorite animal? my puppy.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought? poptarts during lunch
69. Do you have good vision? you are kidding me, right?
70. Can you hula hoop? no.
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?probably not.
72. Do you have a job? kind of.
73. Can you handle the truth? Yes!
74. What are you wearing? jeans with my hawk nelson shirt and gray long sleeves.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window? yes... long story....

haha... i love these. they're so random.

snow

2009-02-24T10:59:00.006-05:00

Have you ever noticed how snow doesn't really fall? I mean, rain has it's objective. It comes dashing to the ground and when it hits the ground it joins the rest of the puddles on the ground. As snow makes its way to the ground it lands with the rest of the snow on lawns, trees, roads, and people. It doesn't melt... It just sits there (until the sun comes out).... but still. If you watch snow when it comes down... it takes forever. It gets caught by the wind and floats a little more to the right, a little more to the left... and when it finally lands... it accumulates. More snow sticks together and pretty soon your front lawn is covered with it.

yeah... this didn't make all that much sense... I know... but I was feeling a little deep today. :D

some random pictures of (GASP!) ME!!!

2009-02-16T14:47:00.008-05:00

bad pic of me... but oh well.... :D

an experimentation with black&white. i love my camera. :D it makes me look so good. XD

2009-02-14T13:52:00.009-05:00

Money earned: $3
Money spent: $0
Nutty Bars eaten: 0
Coffee consumed: none...
Hours listening to music: atleast 4
Tears cried: 2 gallons (watching The Lord of the Rings for a whole day straight can make you laugh at the supidest things so hard that you start crying...)
Hours of studying: 1/2
Books read: 0
Friends made: 1
Lessons learned: 2 (people will cuss at you when you snap them with rubber bands, and after snapping said person with rubber band they will attempt to take the aforementioned rubber band and try to cut you with their nails ((ouch)) )

So on Thursday/Friday I hung out with my friend Abbie, her foster brothers Cory and Derek, and their friends Nick and David.

Thursday was a half day, so we only had our PM schedules and just screwed around in gym (last period), we didn't even change. Then we had the last of the dodgeball tourney. And Abbie and I just took pictures with each other the whole time.
Then we went to her house. To explain some things about her/her house... Her house is a group home, kind of like a foster home, but parents choose to send their kids there. And she has 2 foster sisters and 2 foster brothers (she is also a foster child).
So anyways... When we got there we went downstairs and laid on her bed for about a 1/2 hour just talking. Then we ate lunch and went outside to hang out with her brothers and Nick, Cory's friend. We played a pathetic game of baseball and Nick and I laid on the school's soccer field for about 10 minutes watching the clouds and threatening Derek because he kept trying to hit us with a soccer ball. Then Abbie's foster sisters left because they were going home for the weekend (which meant we were FREE of the superficial girls in the house).
Cory and I played a game of pretty rough basketball, fouling each other all over the place, but it was so windy that we could barely make any shots. But it was pretty funny. Then we went inside and Abbie and I played Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 as our tradition states we must, but I stink at that game, so we ditched that after awhile. Then Derek and Cory took over the PS2 and we watched as they played for awhile, then made them switch to playing MX vs. ATV since that had a better playlist and it was more fun to watch.
Abbie and I finally kicked the guys off the PS2 after supper so we could watch Harry Potter, but then Abbie didn't feel good, so we went to bed at 9. (The guys couldn't believe we went to bed that early when we told them in the morning. they stayed up until 11:30 watching some movie, then got in trouble because Uncle John didn't want them to watch it.) We had to wake up at 7:30 so we could start the trilogy at 8. I had to leave the house at 9 so I could walk over to the school and go to play practice. Cory walked with me over there since he had left something in his locker. Then he made me keep up on my promise about giving him a hug (which I had told him I would on Tuesday or something, but I kept forgetting) and then he walked back home.
Practice proved to be a total waste. I sat there and did nothing for two hours. We didn't even do the scenes where I have lines. I have six lines, and we've only done those 2 scenes once... production is a month away, and I supposed to just telepathically know what I am doing? So then I grabbed some things from my locker and went back to Abbie's.
Just my luck, because of play practice I had missed all but 10 minutes of the rest of The Fellowship of the Ring. But I have seen that movie numerous times, so it was pretty much okay. But I hadn't really seen the other 2 movies, so I tried to pay attention. But I never seemed to be able to get comfortable. Abbie and I had the smaller couch, and the guys kept calling us bi because we were laying on each other (like girls often do with their friends). We kind of blew it off, saying that we were definitely bi and were making jokes about it... but... yeah... I was ticked off at them for saying that. (they're such perverts)
During The Return of the King we ate supper (hot wings and pizza, yeah baby!) and Cory and I were getting on each other's nerves, so we were snapping each other with rubber bands. (actually, I was the only one with the rubber band. ) And every time I would snap him he would cuss at me. (he would mouth it, though, cuz Uncle John was down there and would have been pretty ticked if he had heard Cory say that) But to me that was really funny... just cuz I know Cory... And we got in trouble because we were fighting over the rubber band and Uncle John thought we were getting all "touchy-feely" with each other **awkward**. (We definitely weren't, we were just enjoying causing each other pain ((we're wacko, I know)))
After the marathon was finally over about 7:30 and we were done cleaning up the basement Cory and I were sitting in the living room playing with the dog and with Bethany (Uncle John and Aunt Jess's 1 year old daughter). And we were just kind of talking about random stuff because Abbie was talking to her mom since she hadn't the night before.
Then my dad picked me up at 8:15 and I was falling asleep trying to watch House after we got home, so I went to bed at 9.... and slept until 9 this morning.
But it was a fun two days... incredibly nice without my family. It made me sad that I couldn't get together with Mar so we could talk... but it was nice to talk to Abbie.

((Sorry if this was all kind of run on... I'm not in the mood to make it grammatically/structurally perfect))

But today was cool because I got an email from a friend of mine who I haven't seen for 2 months. We're basically best friends... she's awesome. :D

lataz...

-Kaylyn

my past week...

2009-02-08T14:12:00.007-05:00

(thanks for the idea, Missy. :D)

These stats are for all of last week.

Money earned: 50 or so dollars (this week)
Money spent: ummm... 2-3?
Nutty Bars eaten: 2
Coffee consumed: none (but I did have hot chocolate today and chai yesterday)
Hours listening to music: impossible to count
Tears cried: 10 gallons. (best friend is switching schools. history grade)
Hours of studying: 10
Books read: 0 (wow... that's a record low)
Friends made: 2
Lessons learned: 4 (you can't always depend on your best friend. sometimes it's the person you least expect who rescues you. some questions are better not asked when you aren't ready to fight the other person's answer. crayola markers stain your skin. =o)

So.... This last week wasn't too good. Mariana is switching schools on Monday, and only told me on Thursday. I spent the whole week studying for history because that is my worst class (talk about ruining my week).

Things that happened on Thursday

Mariana told me she was switching schools on Monday.
I found out waaaaay too many things that broke my heart. :(
I spent the whole night studying for a history test.
My friend encouraged me to keep turning to God. (the only good thing that happened that day)

Friday wasn't too bad.... I nearly fainted from panic during spanish class, but it's all good. :D

So we'll see how this next week goes. Hopefully spanish will be okay with Mariana. (doubt it, though!)

Hmmmm... better finish my art project. ( =o)

Ugh... mondays

2009-01-26T17:17:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I don't like Mondays. Why? Because everything seems to go wrong on Mondays. Sometimes Sunday nights are worse, though, because you are extremely stressed about the next day, and you know you have to get up early... yeah... Mondays are not fun.

eh... bye.

-me

Thanks, Mar.

2009-01-23T20:19:00.002-05:00

It's official. Mar and I are even. We have this thing where we each get "mad" at each other when we go away for a weekend or miss school. I went to Kenya... yeah she really was mad about that. She went to Florida and missed school, I was "mad" at her. I went to Virginia for a weekend she was "mad" at me. She goes to CINCINATTI WITH MY BROTHER and I'm not sure if I'm really mad at her or "mad". Thanks, Mar. Now all I have to do is watch House and NCIS. and share carrots with the dog. You owe me, Mar.

So... 5 hours into my weekend and I have:
Finished my homework (all that is due until wednesday)
Ate supper (Jimtown Pizza)
The dog bit me (it wasn't my fault. I was rubbing her side and she went psycho)
watched 1 1/2 episodes of NCIS and 1/2 an episode of House. And partial episodes of Hannah Montana during commercials, and one Jon & Kate plus 8.

A very exciting weekend? I think not, not if this is all that happens.

eh... adios.

To the Babies of the AGC Baby Center

2009-01-18T11:59:00.007-05:00

Last night I sat on my bed after everyone else had disappeared into their rooms and the dog had snuggled under my parents' covers. As usual, I contemplated whether or not to journal that night. I decided not to, since my journal was in my school bag, which was in the kitchen, and I didn't feel like wandering downstairs and then going back upstairs. But I still felt like writing. So I flipped through a few old notebooks, searching for a piece of blank paper. I grabbed a pen, and began writing. This is what came of it:

Dear Babies of the AGC Baby Center,
I will never forget you. I will never forget our smiles, laughter, and tears that we shared. Never before has one look caused so many emotions to tumble into my heart at once. Although we are so distant, I sometimes feel as though you are right next to me.
When my arms ache to hold you, I pray that someone is there to hug you and kiss your cheek. When I think fo the babies that didn't make it, I pray that Jesus will wrap His arms around them, and say how much He loves them, too.
Every night I pray for your Aunties. I admire those women for what they do every day. Every night I pray for your future mommies and daddies. I ask God to let them open up their hearts and homes to just one child. Every night I wonder what happened to your real mommies and daddies. I wonder why they didn't keep you.
Every night I wish I could hug each of you and kiss you good-night before tucking you in. I wish I could help with your suppers and sit on the floor with you again.
Every night I pray that God would give me the chance to go back. I also pray for the ones who know the are going. I pray that they would love you as much as I do.
Babies- I also pray that you would receive the maturity to understand the sacrifice Jesus made for you. I pray that you will love Jesus with all your heart, mind, soul, and being. That is what I pray for the most.
Babies- I will never stop loving you and those that care for you. I will never stop praying for you, and I will never stop fighting for you.

love always,

Auntie Kaylyn

As I wrote this, tears filled my eyes and I couldn't keep them from spilling over. A few weeks ago I realized that I left my heart in Kenya. My heart isn't here, in Elkhart, Indiana, but in the village of Ngata halfway around the world. I don't think I'll ever get it back, either. My heart will always be with the babies. Jolinda was right when she said we had caught the baby fever.

This is where my heart is. With this handsome young man.

Stinker McStinkerpants

2009-01-17T17:57:00.005-05:00

This goofy-looking creature is my dog. Her name? Marisol. My mother named her that. ((When we first got her my aunt kept calling her Mariposa because my cousins had just watched Barbie Mariposa. haha)) She's three years old, and the strangest dog I've ever met. She likes to attack my feet and pretend that she's mad at me. She also likes carrots and iceberg lettuce. Who knew she was so healthy? She also thinks that my bed, is hers. She has yet to learn that those are my blankets, and no, she cannot take them.

Sure, Marisol is a pretty name, but she has many more.

Goofball, Stinker, TurdBasket (thanks, Dad), Puppers, Pupita, Puppy, Stinker McStinkerpants (the newest one), Naughty girl, Good girl, Goofy, Weirdo, Chinese-puppy... etc, etc.

As you can see, she is much loved by our family.

Quiz Festival

2009-01-17T15:53:00.004-05:00

So... today was the quiz festival, and after a quick run-through I kept score for my dad as he quiz mastered. Then I convinced my dad to let me quiz master. I thought I did pretty good for my first time. :D

Yup... so that was my day. Got up at 6:45 and got home around 3:30. Now I'm talking on the phone, IMing and speaking random spanish. :) Always fun.

-kaylyn

CORRECTION!

2009-01-15T21:34:00.004-05:00

Elhart Christian Academy is cancelled for Friday the fifteenth.

Am I happy? Ecstatic? Throwing a party? No. I'm actualy rather upset. I feel like Wednesday ended like a two part show, and now I have to wait 3 more days to see the next part. :(

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow I can just chat with Mariana... take random pictures... and speak random spanish. :D yeah. sounds like a pretty good day.

adios, mis amigos.

NO SCHOOL!!!

2009-01-15T18:35:00.005-05:00

Yes, it's true. School for ECA was cancelled today. Kind of made me mad, though. I wanted school off on Monday. I don't like Mondays. Oh well, we might have a two-hour delay tomorrow. I don't really want it, though. And school better not be cancelled, the homecoming game is tomorrow.

Snow!?

2008-12-16T17:13:00.003-05:00

What's this I hear!? More snow?
Hehe. I so goofy. But, yes, I look out my patio doors and there is snow. I just swept the patio, too. I'll have to again before Marisol needs to go potty again.

Speaking of my dog... she just sprinted down the stairs and nearly fell on her face... And now Dad is sharing carrots with her. She's so goofy. So is my dad. :) And she's hiding under the tree!

Ugh... exams today. World History and Spanish are now out of the way. So now I have Bible and Geometry tomorrow. Science and el examen de Ingles is Thursday. Would you like to know how weird I am? I chrocheted after my exams... yeah... people were talking behind my back. (brothers are just to tell you who's talking about you)

Would you like to see some of my awesome sentence in espanol.

Hola. Me llamo Kaylyn. Como estas? Yo estoy bien. Y tu?
Me gusta leer y escribir. Te gusta?
Yo estoy pelirroja. Tengo pelo largo y ojos marrones.
Tengo una perra stupida. Se llama Marisol. Ella tiene tres anos. Ella es mi amiga.
Yo quiero Taco Bell y dormir.
Tengo clases de Ingles, Espanol, Biblia, Historia de el mundo, Geometria, Ciencias, Arte. y Educaccion Fisica. Me gusta la clases de Arte y Geometria. No me gusta la clase de historia y educaccion fisica. Y tu?

TRANSLATION
Hello. My name is Kaylyn. How are you? I am good. And you
I like to read and write. What do you like?
I am a redhead. I have long hair and brown eyes.
I have a stupid dog. Her name is Marisol. She is three years old. She is my friend.
I want Taco Bell and to sleep. (hehe)
I have classes of English, Spanish, Bible, World History, Geometry, Art, Science, and Physical Educaccion. I like Art and Geometry. I do not like History or Physical Education. And you?

Yeah, ya'll know I'm just that good. :) The translation is pretty much exact... So it might sound a little weird.

Oh yeah! I'm blogging on my Wii. It's fun. :)

Adios. Yo necesito to do mi pelo. (Goodbye. I need to do my hair. :D hehe. I'm so funny.)

But first I need to use some awesome symbols!!
∞ § @ ™ © ® º ª ♭♪ * ← → ↑ ↓ # $ ¢ € £ ¥ œ ø Æ Œ λ ζ Ξ Σ ◎ ☆ ○ ◇ □ △

2008-12-12T07:28:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone that reads this blog. I'm typing this from my Wii with our new keyboard!!!

I have a prayer request for all of you. One of my really good friends that I have known for a few years has been really stressed out lately. One of her friends told her he wanted to kill himself and she came to school the next day and could barely function. This guy lives all the way across the country, so there isn't much that she can do. She told his parents, but he lied to them, so they think that she is the liar.
She is also going through a lot of stress because of school and she was sick back in October and had to have surgery.
I'm just asking that you guys would pray for her and this guy that both of them would receive the Lord's peace.

And also prayer for me. Finals are next week and I'm already stressed out. Actually... stressed out is a bit of an understatement.... I'm majorly stressed and spread really thin.

So... yeah.

Thanks!!

-Kaylyn

Pride & Prejudice...

2008-12-07T15:18:00.004-05:00

So... I have this book report due on Tuesday, and guess what! For the first time ever I don't have my book finished yet! ((No, I'm serious. I always have my books done weeks ahead of time.)) I have 110 pages left of "Pride & Prejudice" and I'm almost out of juice. The book is boring me to death... and I just want to do something else...

back to reading...

-Kaylyn-

2008-12-06T17:35:00.001-05:00

So how did you like those? That's all for now. Comment on them. :)

Daddy... plz, a facebook?

2008-12-06T17:33:00.003-05:00

DUCKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. It's going to eat me!!!!!! Tehe...

2008-12-06T17:31:00.003-05:00

It was mis-matched shoes day. :P jk. I was bein' weird. I'm good at that.

2008-12-06T17:28:00.003-05:00

From the Revolve Tour in September. We held up signs for HawkNelson. Those are song quotes around the outside.

more...

2008-12-06T17:26:00.003-05:00

AWKWARD TURKEY!!!!! Gobble gobble!!!

lol. superbowl joke. haha

GASP!!! MORE PICTURES!!!

2008-12-06T17:24:00.004-05:00

My best friend's keyboard is kind of weird... so I'll take this time to post some pics&icons. :)

This is so definitely true. :D

One project down... 1 million to go...

2008-12-03T21:48:00.004-05:00

That's how I feel today. I finally finished my art report presentation, to give tomorrow. BUT!!! Lo and behold, my health teacher would tell us just today about extra credit to do, and I have a history project due Monday... A Bible project to Friday... Tests to make up after school on Friday ((why, oh why did I not take a study hall? Oh yeah, so I could graduate with honors and not be completely stressed... oh wait! I already am.))

This is exactly how I feel: GAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

And my communication skills are exactly zero today, so I barely spoke. I couldn't make words come out. They just stayed inside. I could write them down fine... but I hate speaking anyways... writing always makes more sense to me.

Yo estoy loco. Es verdad? Yo necesito dormir... Adios.

Te amo...

Kaylyn

2008-12-02T21:01:00.004-05:00

hey everyone...

so yeah... it's been boring lately. I'm just trying to keep up with the stress of school. I feel like I have a project in every class due in the next 5 days. But I don't. I'm just exaggerating.

I really felt like blogging... except I can't think of anything to type... darn it...

I made this really spiffy hat yesterday... I'll have to post a picture sometime.

Yes, I knit. Is that weird? I enjoy it. Keeps my hands busy so that my mind can either concentrate on that or on something else. I've made lots of stuff. That hat, fingerless gloves, pygmy puffs ((from Harry Potter!)), umm... I'm currently working on leg warmers. My mom thinks I'm pretty cool. haha....

-me

Things that bother me...

2008-11-30T14:17:00.004-05:00

So while shopping at 1 am on Friday morning, I came up with a list (quite a long list) of things that bother me. Once again, these things are in no particular order...

-Chipped nail polish. ((That is why I don't often wear nail polish))

-When guys wear baggy pants and I can see what their boxers look like when I don't really want to know what they look like.

-Old video game music.

-When my computer is retarded.

-When the fingerless gloves I knitted roll up at the ends.

-Christmas music in November (and in January).

-When people act dorky and I'm left out of the dorkiness.

This will be continued....

I am thankful for...

2008-11-27T21:58:00.004-05:00

This year I am compiling a list of what I am thankful for... I was orginally going to just do it in my journal, but then I thought "heck, why not share my list?"

(These are in no particular order)

-The recoveries of Corey Ellis and Owen (I believe his last name is Lambright... not sure, though). Both nearly drowned, Corey after having a seizure in a hot tub, and Owen after falling into a tub of water in a neighbor's backyard. Both have made complete recoveries, both with no brain damage.

-My own recovery (those of you who know what I mean, 200+ days :D )

-A church summer camp that got my attention.

-A God that messes up my life.

-My cousin Shealey who loves to just sit with me on the couch.

-My cousin Tori who is just a stinker.

-My cousin Travis who is as obnoxious as all get out.

-Two older cousins that know how to do anything on a computer.

-My father who has confronted me on more than one occasion, and who shows me love in his own ways.

-The promise of being a world-changer, even to just one person.

-A best friend who is dorky, but talks enough for the both of us. (And I'm also her "cousin". tehe. :) long story)

-Another best friend who doesn't care when we both act stupid or crush on boys. (We have to deal with each other about that.)

-A chance to go to a private school where carrying a Bible does not bring ridicule.

-My memories of the babies.

-A mother who wants to go shopping at midnight, and who doesn't like coffee, but gets hot chocolate at Starbucks.

-A twin brother who drives me insane, but is fun to play Wii with.

-Rhonda's blog. (It just cheers me up. :D )

-The sunrise this morning. (We never know if we will have another day.)

-The hope of tomorrow's sunrise. (Which will hopefully be seen coming over a building at the Lighthouse Mall. :D )

-My vast taste in music.

-A Savior who came to this earth to take on the form of a man and died on the cross (and would have died even if I was the only person). And who rose from the dead three days later to give me and whoever else believes eternal life.

So... yeah... this is my list... :D

Some Random Pictures to Talk About....

2008-11-26T15:25:00.007-05:00

One day at the baby center it rained (quite hard) and when it was over someone said there was a rainbow. We all ran out to see two complete rainbows. This isn't the best picture, and it doesn't nearly do the rainbow justice, but here it is.

Mar, this one is for you. *bother*! ((hehe))

A gorgeous African sunset

Derry!!! Look! There's an elephant in the room!! Should we talk about it?

Pretty flower picture, from the Tea Hotel.

This is Abby Rose. Isn't she cute? She is one of my best friends.

Electricity in Kenya isn't very reliable, so there were a few nights we had to light candles. (and one night that we just felt like it) This picture was taken of a candle shot down the neck of a glass coke bottle. I thought it was cool.

A gorgeous sunset from the window of the guesthouse. We had many amazing sunsets.

This is my Rony. He came to the baby center sick and underdeveloped. He is now average size and learning to walk. Isn't he gorgeous? He was one of the quieter babies and I did not see him smile until the day before we left. And when I heard him laugh I wanted to cry, so much joy filled me for him.

Another pretty flower.

And another....

And and upside-down palm tree....

Davie is one cool dude. :)

Kenya, post # 1

2008-11-14T21:14:00.004-05:00

Here it is, Rhonda, my first Kenya post!!!

Oct. 17-18

When we left on the 17th I did not really know what o expect. I had never flown for more than a couple hours at a time. I had never gone through international security. I barely knew the people I was traveling with. But I had prayed a lot about the whole travel part of the trip, so I knew it was in God's hands.

After checking our luggage and going through security we walked to our gate. My mom and I were rather hungry by this time and decided to go to McDonald's. We said goodbye to our much loved Diet Coke and I got my last Starbucks for two weeks. (Rhonda, could you do that? No white chocolate mochas, for two weeks? :) ) We climbed onto the plane not long after and got ourselves settled for an 8-hour flight.
Somehow I always seemed to end up next to Abby,which wasn't bad, because I enjoyed her company. We had lots of fun chatting about the most random things. And I watched her knit for quite a long time, and she watched me play tetris.
The coolest thing about the flight? The TVs in the back of the seats in front of us. There were video games and such that you could play. The movie choices were not great, but they were okay.
When we got to London we had to go through another huge thing of security. Poor Abby got her peanut butter taken away. :( We watched the sunrise over the runway and walked around for most of the layover. When they opened out gate we gathered everybody up and made our way there.
Jodi and I decided to get some water. We did not have any pounds, so we used my American dollars and got pence for change. We got onto the plane and settled in for another endless flight. the movie choices were a little better this time, and there were still a ton of episodes of "The Office".
We got in Nairobi really late and still had to stand in line to get our visas and then collect our luggage. y the time I got my visa the others had collected all the luggage. Then we waited for Jodi, my mom, and Jolinda. We met one of our drivers right outside the airport. We had three vans and managed to fit all of our luggage in there, with fur people in each van I got my first taste of Kenyan roads and the many speed bumps therein When we came up to our hotel and got through the gate, I was incredibly ready to fall into bed. Mom and I checked in, got our luggage to our rooms, got water from the guy who showed us our room, took some pictures, changed our clothes, and fell into bed.

I think that's good enough for now. :)

"The Greatest Thing Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return"

2008-11-08T19:01:00.006-05:00

I know... no post about Kenya? But I've been extremely busy with make-up work and such. And my nightly 5 hour play practices. Those are pretty exhausting.

Last night was pretty fun. It was the drama girls' annual sleepover. We decorated our t-shirts (even though the whole cast is getting the same shirts) and it was a ton of fun. We had a whole bunch of movies to watch (including my two faves, "Pride & Prejudice" and "The Phantom of the Opera"), but we only watched our traditional movie. "Moulin Rouge!" is really good. (beware, kleenex must be on hand!) (Rated PG-13, btw) It's hilarious how there are so many modern songs in it, when it is supposed to be set in 1900 Paris. And the soundtrack has got to be one of the best I've ever heard. And I already know most of it after only hearing the songs a few times. (beware, kleenex must be on hand!) Then we stayed up until 3 am talking about the most random things and eating oreos. (atleast I was eating the oreos... wait, CARA WAS TOO!!!!)

Then a whole bunch of us had to go to GoodWill today because we didn't have all of our costumes. So Aly, Cara, me, and a bunch of the guys (Plus Mr. Elrod, the director, and Mrs. Schutz, who is in charge of costumes, and David Crabbe) all show up at GoodWill and it was packed. Yeah, we had fun. Except I had to try on this muy terible dress that looked like a tent (icky green and all!) and I wanted to throw up on it (but I refrained).

And then I had to come home and do homework. Fun, huh?

i'm out,

kaylyn

2008-10-13T20:46:00.004-04:00

So... Cara had to read part of Walt Whitman's "Story of Myself" for her English class. And I read along with it because I like to read random stuff like that sometimes. And so when I finished reading it she asked me what it was about because she didn't want to finish it. But I told her to read it because I didn't understand it. Then all the sudden she goes "I understand this guy now!" and read aloud this:

"I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the
wounded person."

And to me that makes sense. I can go up to a person and know they have had a bad day. I can ask them about it and totally understand. I can become that person for those few moments. And through the writing ability that God has given me, I can (usually) accurately depict the way that person feels, the sorrow, the pain, the joy even. I don't have to ask that person how they are feeling, I can feel it.

Just a thought from my jumbled mind...

hugs and <3's

Kaylyn

2008-10-11T20:09:00.006-04:00

So.... This has really helped me lately, and I have also tried to encourage my friends with it...

--You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible...
(Luke 18:27)

--You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest...
(Matthew 11:28-30)

--You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you...
(John 3:16; John 13:34)

--You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient...
(II Corinthians 12:9; Psalm 91:15)

--You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps...
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

--You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things...
(Philippians 4:13)

--You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able...
(II Corinthians 9:8)

--You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it...
(Roman 8:28)

--You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU...
(I John 1:9; Romans 8:1)

--You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs...
(Philippians 4:19)

--You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear...
(II Timothy 1:7)

--You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME...
(I Peter 5:7)

--You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith...
(Romans 12:3)

--You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom...
(I Corinthians 1:30)

--You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you...
(Hebrews 13:5)

another untitled!

2008-10-11T16:23:00.002-04:00

GASP!!! Team comissioning tomorrow!!!

I'm so nervous!! I dunno if I can get up in front of the whole church... going to the altar to pray is extremely stressful... And then I was standing over to the side... BUT IN THE MIDDLE??? Man, I feel like my character in the play... all shy and everything...

Oh yeah!!! You guys can "follow" me, now. SO YOU SHOULD SUBSCRIBE TO ME!! (Sorry, I'm in a bit of a caps mood, today.)

Would you like to know how many pictures I have taken? 183 since September 28... I love the way the numbers look on here.

2008-10-07T21:20:00.004-04:00

Oh, dear God. I leave in 10 days. But the good news is, everyone else gets a half day on the 17th and I get NO SCHOOL. (and for the next two weeks... :D )

**ACHOO** Yes, I really did sneeze. Excuse me.

Hmm... I have this major Bible test on Friday that I really need to study for... laterz.